Out of Context
by Googie
Summary: Context is important. Context can change everything, even the simplest of statements like 'I love you.' Emotional story about Rick's feelings and reactions to the shooting, and a different kind of potential roadblock to their relationship. NOW COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

_**Premise: Context is important. Context can change everything, even the simplest of statements like 'I love you.'**_

_**This is a little several-shot that was bugging my brain, about the premiere and the beginning of the season. It's angsty. But then again, I think the premiere and the beginning of the season are going to be angsty too. This deals with hidden feelings, guilt, missed opportunities and misunderstandings. And the oh, so important fact that the context of any situation really affects our perceptions, our feelings and our emotions. And our actions.**_

_**One part of this (actually the second part, not in this chapter) has actually been in my brain for a while. But the first part I dreamed up after seeing the promo for Rise.**_

_**Disclaimer: No characters are mine and I make no claims to them. They're too awesome to be all mine anyway.**_

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><p>It was his fault.<p>

She was fighting for her life right now, and it was all his fault.

Josh, though Rick wished that he hadn't had to contend with him right _then_, was right. It was his fault.

Castle knew that if he'd never dug into Kate's mother's murder years ago, then this chain of events would never have been started. But he had, and it had brought her answers. They were closer to the truth than they'd ever been before, but those revelations had come at how high of a price? Hopefully not the precious life of the woman he'd just admitted that he loved.

Now, he only wanted the chance to be able to tell her again. Sometime. In a different context, though, not one that had her bleeding out in a cemetery, where he was afraid she would perish at any moment. He hoped she could sometime forgive him for doing this to her, for putting her in this situation. For making her fight for her life.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

His chance came some fifteen hours later, in the wee hours of the morning, long after he'd sent his mother home with Alexis, promising to call when he knew something more. She had flatlined during the surgery, but they'd brought her back. When the surgeon had finally come into the waiting room after what had seemed like an eternity, his stomach dropped to the floor and the air whooshed out of his lungs when he'd given them the news in his flat, almost monotone voice. The words sounded as sterile as he imagined the operating room must have been, but still, Rick could only pick out and comprehend certain words.

"...bullet...damage...blood loss..."

"...a fraction of an inch in any direction..."

"...flat-lined..."

"...almost lost her..."

With every word, every phrase the doctor spoke, the images replayed themselves in his mind: images of Kate's body jerking as the bullet hit her body, right before he tackled her, of Kate laying there on the grass bleeding, of her eyes slowly closing even though he was willing her to stay with him with every fiber of his being. He thought of Lanie trying desperately to keep her alive as he ran beside the gurney in the hospital, thought of how haunting it sounded as she ordered Kate not to die. The images replayed themselves in his mind as the doctor continued speaking, until one phrase in particular jumped out at him.

"...she made it through the surgery, and we're cautiously optimistic..."

Upon hearing those words, he felt a rush of emotion deep in his chest and he closed his eyes and raised his face toward the ceiling in relief. But the feelings were too intense, and he knew the feelings that he had were about to become overwhelming. He opened his eyes to find the room blurry and the doctor walking back out. Rick didn't realize then that the room was blurry from the unshed tears that were now collecting in his eyes, the tears of relief being the evidence of the emotion that was bubbling up from deep inside of him, emotion that he could contain no longer. He had to get out for a little while. He clamped his hand on Jim Beckett's shoulder as he, too, watched the surgeon's retreat, hoping that the gesture showed the support and the relief he couldn't seem to put into spoken words right now. Jim looked back at him, his eyes speaking the same volumes, and Rick couldn't stand the look on the older man's face. He had to get out of there. With a brief nod to Jim, he turned and walked out the door to the waiting room, opposite from where the surgeon had exited. And he never noticed the pained and curious looks of Lanie, Esposito or Ryan, as they watched him escape.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Rick burst through the first door to the outside that he could find. He didn't know where he was, but there was no bench, so he sank down against the brick wall. He swiped at his eyes, but they were ineffectual against the flow of moisture that was coming out. So finally, feeling defeated by his own emotions, he gave in to those emotions and let the tears flow unchecked, amidst the occasional disjointed and uncomfortable sob. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried; he was probably a kid. But now, he couldn't stop. So he let himself cry, for Kate; for the regret of her having to go through this, for the love he felt for her, and for the guilt that he felt for doing this to her.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

He didn't know how long he stayed outsided like that; he just knew that when he rose from the ground, his muscles were stiff and his energy was spent. He half walked, half shuffled back inside. He looked to see where he was, and it hardly registered that it didn't really even look familiar. But he saw a restroom, and he made a beeline for it so he could go splash some cold water on his face.

Eventually he came out and walked aimlessly down the corridors. Surprisingly, he found the waiting room again relatively quickly, and he saw Jim Beckett sitting there, staring vacantly at a blank part of the wall. He was the only one in the room.

"Jim."

The hoarse, softly spoken word shattered the silence of the room. Kate's father looked up at him and Rick could tell there were so many thoughts running through his brain that he didn't know where to begin.

"Have you seen her yet?" Rick asked him.

"No. It...it'll still be an hour or two."

"I'm sorry I ran out before," Rick attempted.

"I get it," Jim told him, somehow seeming to know that he just needed to escape from that room for a bit.

Rick took a breath. It had hit him when he walked back into the room how utterly alone the man looked, how thoroughly defeated. And there sat another casualty of what he had done. Kate wasn't the only casualty; her father was feeling a different kind of pain; pain of the heart and of his own memories, pain that could not be fixed by the scalpel of a talented surgeon or wonderful pain-killing medication.

But he needed to say something to the man, even though he know how thoroughly inadequate his words would be. "Jim..." he began, amazed at how his voice sounded as if it belonged to a different person. "I...I'm sorry. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for doing this to Kate, and to you."

The older man turned to look at him, the wonder on his face warring with the look of worried despair that had been there for the last several hours. "Rick, what are you talking about? You didn't sh-" his voice hitched over the word, and he had to take a breath before he could continue, "shoot her."

Rick's eyes closed when he, too, heard that word. No, he didn't shoot her, but right now he felt as though he had. It was amazing, the clarity in which he saw everything now. Even his writer's mind wasn't prepared for the twists and turns of this case. Twists and turns that had already killed, and had almost taken the life of the person who had come to mean so much to him. He had brought this to them. "I started this. I found the connections with your wife's case. I brought those bastards to Kate, and that's why she's laying in there now."

Jim stared at him for a moment before shaking his head slightly. "No, Rick. None of this is on you. You didn't fire that gun. You tried to save her. If you'd been a split second earlier, you might have taken that bullet."

"But I didn't."

"No. Katie wouldn't have wanted you to take a bullet for her. And she won't blame you for this either. I don't. Rick, the only thing you did was try to find justice for Katie and me, for Johanna. You know, I never knew...back twelve, fifteen years ago, if someone had told me that the woman standing in our kitchen in a ratty bathrobe making smiley face pancakes would be the target of a group of high level assassins, I would have thought they were trying some pretty impressive designer hallucinogenics." He paused and looked back up at Rick, and he could feel Jim's eyes boring into his own. "Rick, nobody could have predicted that this thing is as big as it apparently is."

"But if I'd just left it alone-"

"Then do you know what would have happened? Katie would have dug into it again, I know she would have. Maybe not this soon, but she would have eventually. But then there would have been one key difference. Do you know what that is?"

Rick didn't say anything, just briefly gave a shake to his head.

Resolutely, with his words loaded with hidden meaning, Jim told him, "She wouldn't have had you."

"I don't...she doesn't want..." He felt the protest bubbling up from inside of him, because it was second nature, to deny anything was between them, that there were more feelings there than just writer-muse or Detective-tagalong. He didn't even know what he wanted to say with his protest, just that he had to do it.

"You love her."

The words were resolute; they were a statement, with no hint of question in them. Jim knew. Rick didn't know what to say. He'd barely been able to admit it to himself over the last few days, to allow himself to think it. And when he'd said it to Kate before she lost consciousness, the words coming from his mouth had surprised him. He hadn't intended to say it then, but staring at her, injured and bloody, he couldn't stop the words from flowing from his mouth. Because they were the truth. He supposed that some part of him knew in those brief, agonizing seconds that she might never get the chance to hear them again, if he didn't say them right then. And now, it seemed, her father knew about his best-kept secret. What did you say to that?

He tried to go back to the previous part of the conversation, explaining, trying to apologize for what he had done. "If I'd have known what would happen, if I'd have had any idea of what this would come to, I never would have pursued it. Never."

"You love her," Jim said again, obviously not willing to let it drop. "And you tried to help her, to bring some closure to her, to try to begin healing a big wound in her life. Even when this whole thing exploded into so much more than we ever thought it was, you stayed, and you've stood by her. That's commendable. And it shows that love."

"But how can you say that?" Rick protested. "It almost killed her. It still..." he trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to force the end of that sentence from his brain. "I couldn't even stop her when you asked me to."

"Rick, stop it. It was unfair of me to put you in that position." Jim looked down at the floor and wrung his hands together a few times before looking back at Rick. "You're here. That's more than I can say for that huge doctor guy of Katie's. He pushes you, gets into a fight with you, and then leaves? But you're _here_, Rick. And you look like absolute hell." He let out a hollow-sounding chuckle. "That tells me something. Even if you won't admit it to me yet."

The men sat in silence together for several minutes. Finally, Jim slapped his legs and stood up. Rick looked up at him questioningly. "Rick, I think right now, we need to take a walk and go find some coffee. It's going to be a long night."

"But Kate..." he started, not wanting to leave, thinking that Kate's father shouldn't leave either. "You have to stay here, to go see her when they let you in. I can get the coffee." He should stay here, so he could go in as soon as he was able.

"Kate would tell us to do the same thing. Both of us," he added, with a pointed look toward the author. "They gave me a pager," he said, holding up the small electronic disc. "They'll page me whenever she can have visitors. We'll come back right away. Let's get some coffee, Rick."

Rick had just gotten a small idea of where Kate had gotten some of her will. Silently, he stood and followed Jim Beckett in search of some coffee.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

They found an espresso bar in an alcove off of the main cafeteria, and miraculously, it was open, even given the late hour. The hospital must have figured out that if there was one thing that needed 24 hour access in a hospital, it was a place to get a shot of caffeine.

They refilled their cups before heading back toward the waiting room where they had already spent so many hours. When they were about halfway back, Rick noticed when Jim just...stopped. Turning back toward Jim, Rick saw him bringing the pager out of his pocket, seemingly mesmerized by the flashing lights on the disc. The eyes of the two men met each other across the hallway, but nothing was said. They both felt the impact of those flashing lights as surely as if Kate was calling them herself. And they both turned back toward the direction they had been traveling, their steps hurried, both anxious to get back to the four walls of that waiting room.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

While Jim continued on to the nurse's station, Rick ducked in through the door of the waiting room and collapsed into a chair. He hoped Jim had a good visit with Kate...well, as good as it could be, given the circumstances. He hoped that seeing her relieved some of the abject tension and despair that he'd seen in the man's face while they were all waiting for news of the outcome of her surgery. She was alive. That was what mattered now, he told himself. She was alive. Although it was through no thanks to him.

He leaned forward in the uncomfortable chair and hung his head. He leaned his elbows on his legs and ran his hands through his hair a few times as he tried to get his mind to calm down. Kate was going to be all right. He just had to believe it. She had to live, and she had to be all right so he could somehow find a way to make it right. He didn't know how. But this was his fault, and he would do whatever he could do, whatever it took to ensure that they all made it out of this nightmare without any more people getting hurt. Or worse.

Lost in his musings, he didn't hear the first time his name was called. But when it was called again a little louder, he was jolted into awareness again. He raised his head and looked around, until he found Jim Beckett leaning through the door. "Rick, are you coming?"

He stared at the man. Was he going home? Had he seen Kate already? "How is Kate?" His voice was strained as he asked the question, because asking such an open-ended question implied that it could be answered in any number of ways, and frankly, a lot of those ways scared him.

"I don't know. I haven't gone in there yet. I was waiting for you."

At first, the elder Beckett's words didn't register in Rick's brain. But then they did, and he was confused. Why wouldn't Jim rush in to see his daughter, now that he'd been given the all clear? And Jim was waiting for him? "For what?" he finally asked the man, still confused.

Jim had a stern look on his haggard face and a stern tone to his voice. "Rick, I know you care about my daughter. Very much, even though you won't tell me directly. Your actions speak. And you need to see her. You're still beating yourself up, and you need to see that she's okay, as much as I do. And Rick," he stopped, swallowing hard. "I don't want to do this alone," he continued, shaking his head. "I don't know you that well, but I know that you're important to Katie. She would want you there. So get up and come with me, and," he stopped again, taking a deep breath, as if to steel him for what he was about to do. "Let's go make her get better. Okay?"

Rick was just shy of dumbfounded. Sure, they'd just had that...talk, right before they went to get coffee. But now the man was inviting him to see Kate? To go with him? To be the first people who saw her?

But as much as he felt that he didn't deserve that wonderful gift, as much as it gave him more guilt to even think about following Jim, Rick did just that. He couldn't pass up that gift, to make sure _himself_ that she was alive. To just simply...see her. So Rick followed Jim out of the waiting room and down the hall. When Jim stopped in front of a room, he looked at Rick as he took another deep breath. And then they pushed the door open and very slowly, very tentatively walked inside, both wanting desperately to see Kate, but both, at the same time, almost dreading seeing this version of the woman that was so special to them both.

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><p><em><strong>Hope you enjoyed the first part of this story. We all know Castle is going to blame himself, so I ran with that premise and this is what happened. The whole story shouldn't be any more than 5 chapters. I was actually thinking three or four, but I'm giving myself a little cushion there.<strong>_

_**If anyone finds any typos, please let me know. And if you'd be so kind as to leave a review to tell me what you think, you'd make me very happy! Thanks bunches!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Premise: Context is important. Context can change everything, even the simplest of statements like 'I love you.'**_

_**Thanks so much for the reviews and the many story alerts! I'm happy that so many of you seemed to like the conversation between Jim and Rick. I know the man (Jim) has had his problems in the past, but from the few times he's been on the show, he seems to be wise and kind of 'with it', and in a better place to handle traumatic events than he was when his wife was murdered.**_

_**I also tried to convey that he sees Castle as a permanent fixture in his daughter's life, even though she may have never talked about him in the romantic sense. Jim just gets the idea that he's there and he's important, and he doesn't get that same feeling from Josh.**_

_**That said, of course as soon as I posted it, my story was made implausible by the pictures that were released right afterwards; the pics show everyone there when the doc comes out to talk to her Dad but in my story, the surgery was long and everyone had left by the time they could actually go in to see her. Well, I guess, to a degree, it still could happen somewhat like that. But if not, this is fiction. I guess we'll just overlook that part, right?**_

_**To all of those who left a review for the first chapter, thank you. Your comments were so amazingly positive and encouraging, and I thank you so much for you all taking the time to let me know what you thought. A few shout outs: JellieEllie, you'll blow up my ego by calling me a goddess (but I love it!); NCISchick, I'm glad it moved you and that you enjoyed it, but I'm sorry it made you cry; and NathanFan, thanks so much for your kind words and I'm glad it was thought provoking for you. And for all of you who said that you hope the season starts like that, again, thank you. That is truly a very high compliment. Also, for the 58 people who have story alterted this story just after the first chapter, this is for you.**_

_**Disclaimer: Just borrowing the characters and relative plotlines; I don't own them.**_

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><p>They moved slowly into the room, not knowing what they would find, hoping they would just find a 'normal' Kate but knowing that they wouldn't. Both men somewhat reluctantly walked forward, wanting-needing-to see for themselves that she was indeed alive, but at the same time not wanting to see the version of Kate that they knew they would see after having survived the ordeal that she had.<p>

Rick noticed her hair first. It was down now, spread out somewhat messily on the pillow around her, no longer in the bun that she'd worn during the funeral service. Then he flashed back to when Lanie was working on her on the gurney after they'd arrived at the hospital; it had been down then too. Did Lanie do it in the ambulance? Why were they worried about her hair when she had a bullet hole in her chest and precious blood was pumping out of her with every beat of her heart?

As the thoughts, the memories flitted through his mind, he realized that he was avoiding. He was procrastinating. He could almost hear her voice, accusing him of hiding on the day his book was released. She'd hardly even known him then, but yet she had him pegged so well. And if that voice had been in the present, and had not merely been in his mind, it still would have been right. Because he was avoiding. He was avoiding looking at her face. Because looking at her face would make it real for him that it was _her_. The strong, extraordinary Detective Beckett. Kate. That _she_ was really the one who was in that hospital bed. And he really didn't want her to be there. With every fiber of his being, he didn't want her to be there.

Finally, he forced himself to let his eyes travel up to her face. He sucked in a breath. No, that woman in the bed was not _his_ Kate. She was pale, so pale that her skin looked almost translucent. The Kate that he knew had so much drive and ferocity in her that she could shatter the interrogation room window by slamming the body of Vulcan Simmons into it, but the person in this bed looked small and frail, as if she was going to be simply absorbed by the bed if she laid there much longer.

Most difficult to see was the breathing tube that was still in, taped around her mouth so that he couldn't even see her lips. Somehow, Jim seemed to know what Rick was thinking when he remarked softly to him, "The nurse said they'd take the tube out in a little while, when they're sure she's totally stable. She's still sedated now."

Rick nodded. He didn't know what else to say. The evidence of what he'd done was in front of him. The truth was humbling, and it was heartbreaking. And with that, he again felt the flood of guilt as surely as if it was part of the blood that was flowing through his veins. The invincible, extraordinary Detective Kate Beckett, one of the best homocide detectives around, could not even breathe for herself right now.

And that was on him.

As if by some unspoken agreement, her father walked around the one side of the bed while Rick walked around the other. Jim leaned over and kissed his daughter's forehead, much like he probably kissed her goodnight when she was a child, but his lips lingered longer than they probably had during any of those long-ago goodnight kisses. When he stood up, he swiped at his eyes. "Katie," he began in a shaky voice. "Rick and I are here. We've been waiting so we could see you." He took a heavy breath. "You just rest now, and you let yourself heal. I know you probably won't want to, but just listen to your old man for a change, huh?"

As Jim was talking, Rick reached out toward the bed and absently touched Kate's hand that was laying motionless at her side. He barely touched her, but he could feel the warmth of her skin. That warmth calmed him just a bit; it was the warmth of _life_. She was alive.

Jim spent some time just looking at his daughter and stroking her forearm. After a few minutes, he started talking again. "Katie, I think I need a drink of water, so I'm going to step out for just a minute. But Rick will stay in here with you, so you won't be alone." At his last words, Rick's gaze shot up and his eyes met Jim's. He couldn't have been more surprised even if Kate had sat up and told him that he was being creepy, watching her like he was. Jim leaned forward and gave Kate another kiss on her forehead. "I'll be back in a little while, Katie. I love you." And with that, he stepped back from the bed, giving Rick a loaded look as he bobbed his head toward the bed. "You'll stay with her?" Jim asked, this time addressing Rick, who just dumbly nodded his head.

After Jim had exited the room, Rick turned his gaze back to Kate and finally uttered a verbal response to Jim, even though the man was already gone. "Always," he said softly.

He noticed the chair on the side of the room and pulled it over by the bed. He sat down and gently picked up the hand that he'd touched before. He held it between his, and he bowed his head, pressing his forehead against the hand that he held. He felt tears sting his eyes again, once more tears of guilt, but also some tears of relief that she was really alive and he was blessed enough to be holding her hand, to have the wonderful gift of this time alone with her when he needed to tell her so much, when he wasn't sure a few hours ago that he'd _ever_ be able to tell her anything ever again. He could only imagine what it had cost Jim to step out to give him this time alone with her, and he was so grateful to him.

He knew logically that she wasn't awake and couldn't really hear anything that he might say, but he still felt the need to talk to her, to explain, to confess. Finally, he looked up at her again, and after pressing his lips to her hand, he said "God, Kate, I am so sorry. This is all my fault. If I could have imagined that you'd be...that this would happen to you, I..." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, willing himself not to break down again before he got out everything he vowed he would say to her. "Kate," he started after he opened his eyes again, knowing what he had to say. Now was his chance, and Jim had given him the privacy to do it. "I...I meant what I said in the cemetery. I hope you heard me. I do...I do love you. Really. I don't follow you just for the books anymore. It hasn't been just about the books for a while."

He looked around the room, noticing the steady beeping of the heart monitor. Did it still sound the same or was the rate different now, just a little bit faster? He wasn't sure. But with his random thoughts, he didn't concentate on it. He gaze just found Kate's face again, and he kept talking. "I know you don't think I can be serious, but I am serious. About you. I just want to be around you, because you...you're one of a kind, Kate Beckett. Extraordinary. And I fell in love with that extraordinary woman that you are. But I wouldn't blame you if you said..." He stopped, because he felt his eyes filling with tears again. "If you said that I should get out and you never wanted to see me again." He gave her fingers another light kiss. "It would tear me up, but if that's what you wanted, I'd do it, because I put you here and I'm just so grateful that you're even alive."

"You've tried to get rid of me before. But then at the funeral, right before...you looked over at me and for a minute, it was like it used to be. We can say so much with a look, you and I. And I thought maybe... But then I wasn't quick enough. I'm sorry, Kate. I wasn't quick enough to push you out of the way. I brought that gunman to you, pretty much put you in his crosshairs, and then I couldn't even get you out of the way in time. I will regret that forever. But if anything happens to you, I'll..." He closed his eyes, willing the moisture away. "If anything happened to you, you would take part of me with you," he finished in a strangled voice. "You asked me a couple of nights ago what we were. I said we were friends, because was scared to say more, and you have a boyfriend, although I'm not too fond of him right now. But you and I, we're a lot more than friends. I love you. So come back, okay?" Then, in a soft plea, he added, "Please?"

On that plea, he brought his lips to her fingertips again, and he gave her a brief kiss. Then, he found he couldn't resist the urge to be closer to her. So he stood up and leaned forward, looking into her beautiful face. Of course her eyes were closed, but he didn't care. He could hear the heart monitor, and he knew she was breathing. That was enough for now. He took one of his hands and smoothed her hair, lightly combing the shorter strands near the front of her head between his fingers. He tenderly ran his finger down the side of her face, until he got to the medical tape that stuck to her beautiful skin as it kept the breathing tube in place. He may never get the chance to ever do any of that again, and right then, it felt like heaven to him. She was alive. He could feel the warmth of her skin. A warm, living, breathing Kate. He wasn't a religious man, but he wanted to say a prayer of thanks right now. And because he couldn't resist, he leaned over and touched his lips to her forehead in a tender kiss. "I love you," he whispered against her skin before pulling back and sitting back down in the chair.

He'd leaned forward with his elbows gently resting on the side of the bed, still holding her hand and stroking the back of it with his thumb. That was how Jim Beckett found him when he'd come back into the room some fifteen minutes later. Rick seemed entranced with watching his daughter, and he didn't even seem to notice when Jim walked back into the room and took up residence on the other side of the bed. Finally, Jim said, "Rick," causing Rick to break his unwavering gaze on Kate and look up in the direction of the voice.

He was startled that he hadn't noticed Kate's father coming back into the room, and he quickly looked down at his hand securely holding Kate's, looking somewhat embarrassed to be found like that. He reluctantly laid her hand back down on the bed, releasing it as he sat back in the chair more. Jim seemed to look at him questioningly. "Rick, I told you a few days ago that I know you care for her and she cares for you. And after today, I know your feelings run beyond simple caring. So keep holding her hand. I'm sure on some level she's happy for it. And even if _she_ can't realize it, _I_ can, and I'm grateful to you for being here for her."

"Jim, there's no place I'd rather be right now. Well, that's not right. I want to be by her, but I wish that she wasn't _here_. That she wasn't hurt. So maybe I should say that there's nowhere else I could _stand_ to be right now," Rick told him. "So thank you for allowing me to be here, with her."

"I'm not dumb, Rick. I know Katie would want you here."

Rick wasn't so sure. But right now, while Kate couldn't tell him otherwise, he was going to stay right where he was. Holding the hand that he'd put securely back into his own.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Three hours later, nurses came into the room and roused the two men who had fallen asleep in the chairs next to the Detective's bed. They explained that her vitals were looking good and they were going to remove the breathing tube and check her wound, so they asked them to step out. Jim again gave her a quick kiss on her forehead while Rick, not wanting to be caught doing anything romantic-old habits died hard, after all-quickly squeezed the hand that he still held before both men ambled out into the hall, their stiff muscles protesting the sudden change in position.

A short time after that, one of the nurses came to get the men in the waiting room. Rick had been texting their friends and his family with an update, not wanting to call because of the time. The nurse said she was breathing on her own nicely, and they could go back into the room if they wanted. She was being weaned off of the sedation, so she could start to wake up at any time.

Upon hearing that they could go back into the room, Rick and Jim wasted no time. They walked quickly into her room. Rick was amazed at how much better he thought she looked, just to be rid of the breathing tube. When they were inside, they sat down in the chairs they'd just fallen asleep in. "She looks better," Jim observed.

"Yes, she does," Rick agreed. "It's a relief to see her breathe on her own."

Jim nodded, and no more words were said. Eventually, both men relaxed enough, mostly due to the mental and physical exhaustion of the past day, and they fell asleep again in the uncomfortable chairs.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Jim awoke to a series of strange sounds. He didn't know what they were at first, but then he bolted up in his chair when he realized that he was in the hospital, and the sounds were from Kate. She was mumbling something incoherently, although softly. He stood up and leaned over the bed so he could see her face. He stroked her cheek, whispering, "Katie. Come on, honey, open your eyes. Come on now..." But she didn't move, she just kept up the random mumblings. The nurse had said the sedation would take a while to wear off, so maybe this was just the beginning stages of that.

Kate went through the bouts of mumbling several times in the next 30 minutes. Although Rick had gone back to holding her hand, he still hadn't woken up despite her mumblings. Jim thought about sitting back down in the chair and trying to doze off, but he knew that would be futile as he would just keep thinking about his daughter. Eventually he noticed that the mumblings were becoming a bit more conherent.

"Oh...no, don't...noooo..." her voice was still slurred from sleep and drugs, but Jim could make out what she was saying. And he didn't like that she seemed to be reliving something difficult in her mind. He stood up and moved closer to her head, gently touching her face. She was quiet again for a time, but then her face moved into a light grimace before it relaxed again. But the next thing she said had the still-sleeping man beside her jolting awake.

"Rick..." she murmured.

Somehow, he hadn't heard her other soft mumblings, but he heard his name when it passed over her lips and his eyes flew open, instantly alert. He looked toward her face and saw her father standing up, leaning slightly over her bed by her head. He looked at Rick and said, "She's waking up." Rick popped to his feet and he, too, leaned over her bed so he could see her face. But she settled down again, and he looked at Jim. But Jim was engrossed in watching his daughter, so he didn't see Rick's look. So for now, the two men stood there watching the patient in the bed, and at any other time, Rick might have thought it was boring. He might have cracked a joke. And Kate would have rolled her eyes at him.. And now, in this context, he wanted nothing more than to see her roll her eyes at him and say, "Castle, a little respect here," and turn back to the task at hand. But of course, that didn't happen.

She laid there, silent.

And every so often, her eyebrows furrowed, as if she was thinking about something and trying to come to a conclusion. But she still didn't open those beautiful eyes. The men continued to stand there and watch her. Every once in a while, Jim would stroke her face gently, and Rick, though he didn't want to make such a bold gesture as to touch her face in front of her father, he did continue to hold her hand.

Rick continued to stare at her for what seemed like an eternity, but she didn't move. She didn't call out anymore. She didn't do anything except breathe, and while that was a comfort to him after what had just happened at the funeral, he still wanted her to wake up. He wanted her to wake up so badly that he could visualize her opening her eyes and touching his cheek gently, before she sat up and touched her lips to his in a tender kiss. And he wanted her to tell him, somehow, that she'd heard what he'd said to her in the cemetery.

But she didn't move. And the vision dissolved in his mind. After that vision, that hallucination, he realized that he needed to get out, and he needed to walk, wake up his tired muscles, use the bathroom, get some coffee and wake up his mind. He didn't want to leave her, but he felt like he was jumping out of his skin but was about to fall over in exhaustion, all at the same time, just watching her and waiting for her to open her eyes. He could hardly stand there. So he summoned his courage, and, hoping he wasn't letting Jim down, he looked up at the man across from him. "Jim, I...I need to walk around for a bit. I'll be back. I just need to...can I grab you a coffee?" He asked the last question hopefully, hoping that Jim would know that he wasn't abandoning Kate, but that he just needed a few minutes to compose himself.

Jim couldn't fault him. The man had stayed there, had looked so grateful when Jim had told him to come into the room with him to see Kate that he'd wondered for a minute if Rick might faint. But the man had stood with him at his daughter's bedside, and had proven to be a rock of strength, showing his staying power. He was quite sure Rick loved her. And while Kate wasn't awake yet, when she was, he was quite sure that she would need that man in her room, giving her the will to heal and recover. And if the man needed a few minutes to regroup, then as far as he was concerned, he could take it. So he nodded at Rick, and after a long look and a squeeze of the hand he was holding, he escaped out of the room through the door.

Aimlessly, he walked down the hall, unconsciously retracing their steps from so many hours before, toward the espresso bar that they'd discovered then. He wondered again, as the guilt washed over him again, how he was even here...he was responsible for Kate being here. How was it that he hadn't been run out of the hospital already? How was it, what alternate reality was he in where Jim had not only _not_ run him out of the hospital, but had invited him into Kate's room to keep a bedside vigil with him? He still wondered at it, and the guilt still ate at him, but above all of that, he was still so unbelievably grateful that he was allowed to be there with them. And amidst those thoughts and other random thoughts of Kate, he managed to get two cups of hot, liquid caffiene and started the trek back to Kate's room. The walk was good for the dual, but seemingly opposing purposes of calming down his mind but waking up his body.

He found his way back to her room, carrying the cups, and he almost dropped them when he stepped inside of the room and took stock of the situation.

Kate's eyes were open.

He quickly hurried over and set the cups down on the table. Once his hands were free, he used one of his hands to lightly grasp the free hand on that side of the bed, just like he had for the several hours before he'd left the room.

Jim had been talking to her and her eyes had slowly drifted shut again. Rick didn't really register the words he was saying, but as he stepped toward the bed, he could now make them out. "...should rest. But Katie, look who's here. He stayed with you, both of us did, we were here just as soon as they let us in to see you. Come on now, honey, open your eyes again."

She eventually obeyed her father's gentle command, and opened her eyes, very slowly, as if there were lead weights on her eyelids. Rick was leaning over the bed by this time, and he was in her line of sight. She opened her eyes once, quickly, before they fluttered closed but then opened again almost immediately. She focused her gaze on him. He was trying to ascertain her mood, her thoughts from her blank expression. They just stared at each other for several seconds. Then finally, she said simply, "Rick."

He couldn't stop the smile from blooming on his face. She recognized him! And she'd called him Rick, not 'Castle'. It was just more personal, and hearing it just made his throat a little tighter. Even so, he still managed a gentle response. "Yeah, it's just me. Sorry I'm not McDreamy," he told her, following the statement with a gentle smile. Now that he saw her with her eyes open, he couldn't resist the urge to give her one of his typical jokey responses, even with the gravity of the situation they were in.

Somehow, she managed the slightest of smiles before her eyes closed in another very long blink. When she opened them again, she said very weakly, "S'okay. Glad iss you. Bu' you look like hell."

And between the words and the simultaneous light squeeze that she gave the hand that was holding hers, he felt moisture fill his eyes yet again. The comment was _so_ Kate. But moreover, she wanted him there. And right now, there was no better feeling in the world, aside from knowing that she was alive.

* * *

><p><em><strong>That's it for Chapter 2, folks. I hoped I kept up the standard of the first chapter; you all seemed to like it so well so I hope I didn't disappoint.<strong>_

_**I was wondering if it might be too OOC for Jim to leave and give Rick some time alone with her right away after they'd finally been allowed to see her, even though she wasn't awake yet. But then I rewatched the conversation between the two men in Knockout, and I realized that Jim does indeed read between the lines and he knows there are feelings between the two, so I started feeling better about having him give them that alone time.**_

_**And regarding the alone time and the confession, I know it was a lot. But I don't necessarily think that he would have said anywhere near that much if she'd been conscious. But he knew she was unconscious and he was able to get his confession out there, but without the added risk that she would remember a lot of it. So he was more bold with her being out of it.**_

_**I'm trying to write this like it could happen at the beginning of the season. All I can say right now is...stay tuned for Chapter 3. That's the really important one, and it will further explain the title that I gave this fic. **_

_**But meanwhile, let me know what you think of this chapter. I'd love to know your thoughts, good or bad. Review or PM me! Thanks in advance!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Of course, what happened before has happened again: while I was writing this, more information was released which makes parts of my premise implausible. Darn! Much of this was written before the articles were released, but I did try to change a few things to reflect some other information that was in the articles. Oh, well. I hope you enjoy it anyway. ETA: And of course, as soon as this was published, I checked my email and found that they've released sneak peeks. Happens every time. Oh, well. But about the sneak peeks...um...wow. **_

_**I'm not in the medical profession, nor have I ever recuperated from a gunshot wound to the chest. So anything about the recovery is purely fiction, and I apologize if anything seems implausible. The goal is not the medical accuracy, but how it affects the relationship, so try to take that into account. Also, I make reference to one of the deleted scenes from S3; nothing major, just a fun thing.**_

_**Many thanks to those who took the time to read and review the last chapter. I have to give another shout-out to NathanFan, who has left me with a couple of very nice, well written notes which gave me some inkling as to what makes the story likeable. So thanks very much for that. And I'm so touched that several people mentioned getting teary when reading it...that is truly a nice compliment to say that my writing/story can evoke that kind of emotion, and I humbly thank you. **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters; just love the show (obviously).**_

* * *

><p>Over the next few days, there were a reasonably steady stream of visitors to her room, although they were of a specific group that had been previously vetted and given approval via Jim and Kate's doctors as people who would be good for the mental part of her recovery, but wouldn't overly tax her in her post surgical state. And of that small group, there were two that were there pretty much all the time, one or the other of them, but most of the time both. Jim and Rick.<p>

The two men didn't talk much, but despite that, they seemed to get along well. They had a singular purpose, and that was to make sure that Kate had what she needed to heal and be comfortable. She slept most of the time, but Rick didn't seem to mind; he was just happy-and somewhat still in awe-that she was alive and that nobody had kicked him out, let alone said even a mildly cross word to him. He still knew the blame fell squarely on his shoulders, and that feeling of guilt didn't lessen even when she woke up, even when they could see that she was improving. Instead, it was something that was beginning to settle into the very being of him, much like scar tissue forms around a wound. But he would be there at the hospital, with Kate and her father, just as long as he was allowed to be. It gave him a sense of purpose, and while it didn't even begin to make up for what he'd done, it made him feel like he was doing a very little something to be of some use.

He knew there was something else he could do, and him better than anyone in Kate's closest circle of friends and colleagues. So he took Jim aside in the hall outside of Kate's room very late that first night after she had opened her eyes after her surgery. Jim had looked at him questioningly when Rick motioned him out in the hall, but he followed. Rick, a man who made his living putting words together, looked like he didn't know how to put them together just then, but Jim figured he would just wait him out. "Jim," he finally began, "I...this whole thing..." He paused and looked up at the ceiling as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I know what you said, but I started everything. I have to live with knowing that she's there because of me. And I'm telling you, I'm _promising_ you, that if you need anything, if _she_ needs anything at all, consider it done. Just say the word. Jim, I don't want to sound like a braggart, but I have money. And if any of it-all of it, I don't care-if any of it can be used to help Kate, or you, it's yours. Doctors, specialists, private nurses, therapists...I'm serious. I want to do something for her. _Let_ me do something." By the end, it seemed as though he was almost pleading.

Jim had never had an offer like that before. Rick was acting like some sort of a guilt-obsessed fairy godmother, well, godfather. In a way, Jim thought it was all rather absurd, him being told to basically name whatever he wanted, with money being no object. But even though he knew Rick was serious, part of him couldn't even comprehend what he was offering. But he knew the man was still racked with guilt, despite what he'd told him before, and he couldn't have that, not when he knew Katie would need him with what laid ahead of her. "Rick, that's...wow. That's very generous of you-"

"No. It's nothing, compared to what Kate has been through. I mean it, Jim. Anything," he finished resolutely, his lips set in a grim line. He looked as though he wanted Jim to start giving him a list, right then and there.

Jim nodded, knowing there was no way he could refuse Rick's offer. And if the truth be told, if there _was_ something that Rick could facilitate that would help Katie, and Rick offered and wanted to do it, then he would take that, for his daughter. "Rick, my mind is still reeling a little, so give me a bit, okay? Right now I think she's okay. But maybe later? If you want to do something to help her, we'll figure it out."

Rick nodded, and looked at the floor. He was shaken from his reverie when Jim said, "I'm going to get a cup of coffee. Can I get you something?"

"Just the usual would be great. Thanks, Jim," he said, clamping a hand on the Jim's shoulder before going back inside the room to resume his watch over Kate. As he walked away, Jim thought about the contrast of the fact that Rick had just thanked him for and looked quite appreciative of the promise of just a small cup of coffee, yet the man had just all but offered up his entire fortune if it would help Kate. He hoped his Katie realized what she had in this man.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Kate's condition had continued to improve throughout the next day, although it was still serious. She was having more lucid moments and bursts when she would stay awake longer and have some light conversation. Rick was always near, and he was grateful that she didn't seem to mind having him there. Jim was always around too, but he often watched as Rick would seem to know what she wanted before she could ask. He watched as his daughter's eyes, each time they would open, they would always seem to search the room for Rick. Even when Jim was right there and she saw him first, Jim knew that it wouldn't be long afterwards that she would start to wonder where Rick was. One time Rick had stepped down to the cafeteria to grab some sandwiches and she'd woken up shortly after. Though she didn't ask, he could tell that Katie was wondering where her author was. Finally, he took pity on her and said, "He should be back in about five minutes, Katie. I swear that the man must run whereever he goes when he leaves here, because he's never gone for more than a few minutes."

She looked at him, but instead of voicing the denial that she was wondering about him, like he would have expected, she simply replied, "Good."

And with that response, Jim knew that he'd made the correct decision in allowing Rick to be in here, in giving him so much access to his daughter. He'd already listed him as an alternate emergency contact for Katie if he wasn't around or couldn't be reached, and now, seeing Katie's reaction to him, her almost unconscious sense of wanting him by her, cemented his decision in his mind as the correct one.

"Katie..." he started, but paused, realizing that he had to say this but that he was totally out of his element. She'd been the strong one for so long, but now she needed him to be strong. He decided to be blunt, but gently blunt. "Katie, that man is torn up with guilt and with love for you. He _loves_ you. Even I can see that." He looked up at the ceiling, trying to find the words to say. But his eyes raced back to her face when he heard her reply.

"I know." She knew of his feelings? Then what about...the doctor? If she knew Rick loved her, then why would she be with someone else?

"I...I'm not good at this type of thing, Katie. That would have been for your mom to do. But...give him a chance, okay? I don't think you could find anyone better."

"You're...right."

But after seeing the spectacle the doctor had caused in the waiting room, and most notably his total absence since then, Jim still had to ask. "Then what about the doctor guy, Katie? The guy who's technically your boyfriend?"

Her brows furrowed slightly at the mention of Josh's name, and she swallowed before she answered. "Josh isn't...an issue, Dad. Don' worry." Then she yawned, and the end of her long yawn coincided with Rick walking back into the room, carrying a tray of assorted items, and Jim knew that he wasn't going to get anymore answers right then.

Rick set the tray down on the table and went over to Kate. He hesitated briefly, but then reached up and ran a finger lightly down her cheek. "How do you feel?"

"Like I just...woke up, but also like...I'm ready to go...back to sleep."

"Not up for a sparring session quite yet, huh?" he tried to joke. Humor had always been his best defense, and it was so much a part of their interactions that it just slipped out without much thought on his part.

"Not quite yet," she said softly, giving a small smile at the familiar banter. But then she gave a slight grimace that was starting to become familiar to him. It was what she looked like when her chest was hurting, and every time he saw it, he felt a few knots in his stomach.

"Pain?" he asked. "And tell me the truth, Detective."

She tried to shift in the bed a bit, but it didn't seem to work.

"Only...a little from the...wound site."

"Do you want me to get a nurse?" Jim interjected.

"No, but...thanks, Dad." Then turning back to Castle, she told him, "Upper back...shoulders...not used to...laying like this. Wound is okay...compared to that." The position in the bed was okay, but when you spent most of your time that way, it bound to cause some discomfort.

He studied her, the tray of food forgotten. "What if we prop your back up for a few minutes, then your head can get in a different position. That could help."

"Sure." Her back muscles were getting painful, and she was willing to try whatever he thought might work if it meant that she could get some relief.

Still studying her, he said, "I think putting a pillow behind you would be too much though. I don't want to jostle you around. But I could..." he trailed off.

She gave him a long blink before she said "What?"

He looked uncertain, but she looked like she was getting tired again. "I could just put my arm behind you and prop you up and we could see how that works. And if it's good, then maybe we can roll up a towel or something." He felt odd suggesting it, because he was basically suggesting that he put his arm around her. He might be in love with her, but they didn't have that kind of a relationship, and this would put them a lot closer than they'd ever been. At least if you didn't count that kiss... "But I know that's..."

"That...sounds good."

He almost did a double-take that she was actually agreeing to it. She was already on one side of the bed from the way they had her positioned a few hours before for some respiratory tests, so the edge of the bed gave him just enough room, and he sat down and eased his arm gently under her shoulder blades. "How's this?

As soon as she was in the different position, her eyes drifted shut and she murmured "Mmm...nice" in response to his question. Then she sort of turned her head toward Rick's chest, and though she didn't open her eyes, she told him very softly, for his ears only, "Don' you dare...tell the...guys that you were...helping me with...different...positions in bed, or I'll...shoot you."

At her sudden, totally unexpected and somewhat off-color comment, so much like their old type of joking banter, he almost fell off the bed with surprise, especially given the situation. But after he recovered from the shock of the statement, he felt a grin form on his mouth as he leaned to her and told her, "It'll be our secret." But then he realized that Kate never heard him; she was already asleep again.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Rick went home a couple of times in the next few days, to shower and change clothes, as did Jim, but the majority of the time he continued to spend at the hospital. Rick's mother had brought him jeans and a casual shirt early on, but that was only to change out of the funeral clothes that still had some of Kate's blood on them. The first time Rick actually left the hospital, the next morning after that conversation with Jim, he was all but pushed out by Jim and dragged by Ryan and Esposito. Ryan had finally been blunt with him, telling him, "Castle, you look like hell. You told me that Beckett even said that to you, and she's zonked out of her mind. And you know what? You're gonna start to smell kinda ripe, dude. You know, Beckett needs rest, but if you keep this up, you're going to be like her personal smelling salts, keeping her awake. You don't want to keep her from healing, do you?" Castle knew that Ryan had meant the comment in jest, but it was just one more reminder to him that she wouldn't even _have_ to worry about healing if it hadn't been for him. Although all of it was true, Ryan was trying some humor with the author, because that was how he frequently communicated. But Ryan must have seen the change in Castle's face, the somber look that was there so often now, so he just put a hand on his shoulder in a show of man-support. Then he said with all seriousness, "Go home...grab a shower and some fresh clothes. Get some sleep in a real bed. You'll do her more good if you get some rest. We'll be here." Still, Ryan was mildly surprised when Castle had simply and stoically capitulated, partially because he was too tired to really argue, but mostly because if even a shred of what Ryan said wasn't a joke, he didn't want to make any more worry or hardship for Kate by looking so unkempt. So he nodded and started to walk out, but he did turn around before he left and made them promise that someone would be with her all the time and they would call him if there was any change in...well, anything.

So he'd relented and had gone home. He'd showered, he'd changed, and he'd even laid down in his bed. But as soon as he'd done that, the visions and the memories got the better of him. The flash of light off the rifle scope, the sound of the shot, Kate's eyes as she fell unconscious. The blood, the horrible amounts of blood as it poured from her limp body. He felt the luxuriousness of his own bed, and thought of Kate in the hard, sterile bed in the hospital. The uncomfortable bed that made her shoulder muscles sore. And less than ten minutes after he'd laid down, he sat up again. Who was he trying to kid? He needed to be in the hospital, with Kate. He quickly threw a change of clothes and toiletries into an overnight bag, and then on impulse grabbed one of his pillows, and two of the softest blankets he had and headed back to the hospital.

When he got back to the hospital after that first short venture home, Rick just simply carried his bag and other items back to Kate's room. He was surprised to find that she was awake and was smiling at something that Ryan had told her. She still looked like she could hardly keep her eyes open, but the smile, though small, was like sunshine to Rick, and he found a smile forming on his own face as he looked at her. He walked over to her bed and touched her hand gently as he asked, "I'm back. So what's Ryan telling you that's so funny?"

To his surprise, as she was turning her head toward him, she also turned her hand over and grasped his hand in a surprisingly firm grip, more firm than he would have expected. "You're back," she whispered, and he thought she almost sounded happy to see him again. "Just the coffee...when the m'chine exploded...mummy."

Ryan translated because sometimes, depending on where she was in her pain med cycle, it was still hard for her to say a lot at one time. "She was asking where you were and we told her. We told her you went home to shower...thank God, by the way...and we told her we hoped you'd get something to eat since you'd been practically living on coffee to keep you awake. Then I said that we should rig the coffee machine like we did during the Medina case where you thought you was cursed...maybe that would wake you up, you know. But man, Castle, the look on your face..." Ryan finished, laughing again.

But he didn't care about the look on his face then, or the embarrassment or ribbing that he took for the incident. The look on his face right now did nothing to mask how he felt as he looked at an alive Kate gazing at him with that slight smile on her face. She was holding his hand. And then she said slowly, "You...look...better."

"Thanks." Watching them, Ryan decided that his work here was done, and he had to get back to the station anyway. He excused himself and they both said goodbye, but he could tell their minds were on each other.

After Ryan had left, Rick went to the pile on the chair, and retrieved one of the blankets. "I brought you something," he told her, taking it over by Kate and holding it up so she could see it. "These hospital blankets don't look terribly warm or comfortable, so I thought you might like this. It's really soft and plush. It's not new-I just brought it from home-but since you have to stay in bed for a while, I thought this would be nicer to snuggle up with then those scratchy things."

Kate saw the light blue plush blanket that he held, folded up, above her. It did look wonderful. It looked...normal. Not sterile and impersonal, like everything else around here. She kept her hand holding onto the one of Castle's that she already held, not wanting to let go, but she lifted the other one up a bit. "Can I...touch it? It looks wonderful."

"Touch? Sure. But how about if I put it over you?"

She smiled at the soft sensation of the blanket as he let her first touch it before unfolding it and spreading it over her. He took the corner of it and put it up by her face so she'd only have to turn her head to feel the softness on her face. "Thanks, Castle. It feels...really good." Then, in a move he only did because Ryan had already left and Jim wasn't in the room, he leaned forward and gave her a light kiss on the forehead as he finished gently tucking the blanket around her shoulders. He let his lips linger on her skin just a moment, and as he pulled back he was worried that he might have upset her with the gesture. But when he looked down into her face, he only saw a slight smile and as she drifted off to sleep again, she said, "Thanks, Rick."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

She kept sleeping on and off, sometimes little catnaps and sometimes longer. Rick knew she was in pain, even though she tried to hide it, and he hated seeing her like that. The night after Rick went home to shower for the first time, Jim finally went home for a while, and Rick told him to stay there and get some sleep in his own bed. The older man was looking haggard, and the fact that Kate had noticed and was starting to get a worried frown on her face when she studied him was probably the deciding factor in making him take a break for a little bit. So he relented, with promises from Rick to check in with anything, even something little.

So after Kate dropped off to sleep, Rick took the pillow and the second blanket that he'd brought and he stretched out in the reclining chair, but not before placing a light kiss on Kate's forehead as she slept.

He dropped off right away after he got settled in the chair, but he was awakened a while later by unusual sounds in the otherwise quiet room. His eyes shot open and he realized that Kate was having some sort of a nightmare. He threw off his blanket and leaned lightly on her bed, not knowing if he should try to wake her up or if he should just let her get through it on her own. He didn't want to startle her more if he tried to wake her, and risk hurting her chest if she moved wrong. But she was agitated, and finally fear over her dream-state won out. He made a split second decision and sat on the bed by her before he slipped his arm underneath her back as he'd done when her back had hurt earlier. That way, he figured, he could hold her more tightly if need be, to keep her from thrashing around if she dipped any further into her nightmare. So he sat like that and held her, whispering to her that it was going to be okay and anything else he could think of. Eventually, she jerked awake on a small cry, and obviously took note of the arms encircling her. "Castle?" she asked hoarsely.

"Were you expecting Hans VanMannshaft?" he quipped, reaching for the cup of water on her tray. "Here, now just a sip."

After she took her sip of water, she sputtered, "Who?"

"Hans VonMannshaft. Remember, stripper, fire extinguisher, long blond hair?"

The memory of the ridiculously conceited stripper with the fake accent popped back into her mind, and she gurgled out a laugh before she could stop it. "God, don't...make me laugh."

She could tell instantly with his next words that all of his joking demeanor has left his body. "Well, I'd say that's better than a nightmare. Kate, what were you dreaming about?"

Surprisingly candid for her, she told him, "Lot of images...everyone getting shot...I was trying to help...but I couldn't...because I was...shot too."

He laid his head down on hers as he squeezed her arm just a bit. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? No...thank you...for waking me up." And then she said so softly that he almost missed it, "Like this." And she turned her face toward his chest and closed her eyes.

He sat like that for a few minutes before he tried to ease himself out so she could get some sleep again, now that she seemed to be past the bad dream. But he was surprised again when she grabbed his shirt lightly and said, "Stay. For a bit. This is nice."

If Kate wanted him there, he would stay. If she could sleep better and heal better like this, then he would stay. Even if his butt got numb and his arm lost all sensation from her laying on it, he would stay. He laid his head lightly on hers and settled onto the bed just a bit more before they both succumbed to sleep. And when Jim came back a few hours later and saw them, they were both sleeping so peacefully next to each other that Jim just stood there and thanked his lucky stars that his daughter had this man in her life.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Kate continued to improve and Rick was even getting to feel slightly more comfortable in leaving her room for longer periods of time. Even though she was used to him being there, and he was such a solid presence, such a rock for her to hold onto when she needed something or when she was in more pain than she wanted to admit, she was glad when he could leave the room and just get a change of scenery. Because her father had told her of Rick's extreme amount of guilt, and she could see that confirmed whenever she looked into his eyes. She could see the toll this was taking on him. It was ridiculous of him to blame himself, after all, but she never brought it up, because she knew that the words wouldn't have much of an effect on him anyway. So she showed him, by keeping him around her, because she wanted him there and she knew that him being there would do more to convince him that she didn't blame him than anything would. And this way he could _see_ her improving. Although she still did try to hide it from him when she had more pain, because sure as anything, she knew that she would see the look of guilt etched in his eyes when he saw that pain.

So he told her that he'd go down to the cafeteria to get some lunch and play Angry Birds for a little while so he didn't disturb her when she was trying to sleep. She jokingly shooed him out, but before he left he planted a light kiss on her forehead, and she squeezed the hand she was holding of his. "I'll be back later," he told her. "No dancing while I'm gone."

"There goes my...macarena practice," she quipped back at him.

She relaxed for a bit and thought about how it just felt so...normal to exchange banter and jokes with him. Normal was good, and it was precious now. She thought of how wonderful he'd been since the shooting, and about how she'd almost pushed him away. And But then Captain Montgomery...she felt tears welling in her eyes, and she forced those thoughts away until she was strong enough to deal with them better. But Castle...Rick...she was glad he was with her now.

Her thoughts drifted until she felt some fingers rubbing the forearm that rested on top of the blanket that Rick had brought for her. She opened her eyes, expecting to see her dad or Rick, but she was greeted by Josh's perfect smile.

"Hey," she said.

"I just wanted to check on you. I haven't been around, I know, but I thought that was best since...you know."

"Yeah," she agreed.

"So, how are you?"

She related her discomforts and her progress, feeling surprisingly more comfortable relating the information to him than to or in front of her father or Rick, because of their reactions, and because Josh was, after all, a doctor and it was just more clinical for him. They talked about her recovery, and he gave her honest answers, for which she was grateful. After a while, there was a pause, and then Josh brought up what he'd obviously been thinking about.

"Tell me something. When we broke up...it was because of him...the writer. Wasn't it?"

Kate looked up at him, thinking about how odd it was that during all of the time that she'd known him, this was the most honest and up-front they'd ever been with each other, and it had only come after they'd broken up. And after she'd been shot. Her first impulse was to deny it, but she knew that wasn't totally true. Castle wasn't the entire reason they'd broken up, but he definitely was a part. Not directly, but he had an impact.

"I won't...lie," she said, trying to say the words slowly and carefully to keep the movement, and the pain, at bay as much as possible. "It's mostly me. But he's...part of it. I just didn't...know...how much...until I was shot. But it wasn't...from anything...that he's done. He never...did anything wrong." She paused for a second, and then had the urge to cough, even though it hurt like hell. After a few painful coughs, she tried to relax so she could continue. "He's saved my life," she said simply.

Josh nodded. "_I_ saved your life. Well, I helped save your life."

Even her weakened state, Kate could hear the almost pouty tone to his voice, but then she recognized it for what it was: jealousy. "Yes, you...did. I'll always...be grateful...for your skill. You do...your job well. But Castle...there were...so many other times. And he saved...me." And that was the crux of that issue; yes, Josh had saved her life, but he was highly trained and it was his job. But Castle had saved her life so many other times, through just his own quick thinking.

"He's not serious, Kate. Everything is a game to him. For God's sake, Kate, he writes cops and robbers books! He's...he's not right for you. Eventually, he's going to hurt you. Maybe not now, but he will. And even if we're not right together, I still don't want to see you hurt by him down the line."

"No," she said, shaking her head as much as she could manage. "He won't...hurt me. Do you know...he's barely...left me?" she told him, and somehow her weak voice still managed to sound determined. "I...know that. I just have...a hard time...letting people in. Even...you. I'm sorry, Josh. But Castle...he, somehow...got in. I don't know. But I do think...I have some...feelings for him."

"He...after...I was shot, in those few seconds...before I passed out...he looked so lost. I remember it...so clearly. And he was...serious. I know it. Right before I...passed out, he told me...he said..." she paused to take a deep breath, deeper than she should have, and it made her need to cough again. The coughing urge was done, but now she was feeling tears stinging behind her eyelids at the memories, when she looked back up at Josh. "...'I...love you...'" She could feel tears filling her eyes more as she tried to tell him how she felt. "Josh-" she was cut off as a new series of coughs bubbled up in her chest.

When she was done, Josh put a hand on her shoulder. "Kate, this is upsetting you, and that's not good. Just...try to sleep now."

"Josh...if you knew...he's been there...for me. As a...friend." She swallowed, her mind flitting back to that undercover kiss that they never talked about, that Josh still didn't and never needed to know about. But still, she labored on. "Nothing more than that. But I always knew I could count on him."

"And you couldn't count on me, not when I wasn't around." It was a statement, not a question. He knew. "And you feel something for him, more than friendship. Probably a lot more than friendship, especially if you know how he feels about you."

She simply nodded, because it was that simple. She _did _feel more than friendship. She started to say something, and he just shook his head, which had her quieting down. "I'm sorry, Kate."

"Yeah. Me too."

He looked at their still-joined hands for a long moment. "Would it be okay if I came to check on you, every now and then? I still worry about you, especially after...all of this."

"I'd be...mad if you...didn't," she said, giving him a slight smile.

"Make sure he takes good care of you," Josh told her.

"Yeah," she said, thinking of how Rick had been practically living at the hospital since she was shot. "I will. But I think...he already is."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

As Rick stepped to the doorway of the room, he could hear her light coughs. He knew the toll it was taking on her to cough, but at the same time he knew it was a necessary evil. But then he sensed, rather than saw, another presence in the room, and something about that made him hesitate. He knew what he and Jim and the others had been through in the past few days, and he knew the need that any of those people had for a little 'alone' time with Kate now and then, and he didn't begrudge any of them a few minutes, even though he couldn't wait to be by her side again himself. But simple curiosity had him stepping silently forward until he could see who was with her, and he was assaulted with the sight of the broad back of the hulking doctor that was her boyfriend. And up until now, her conspicuously absent boyfriend. When Rick saw him, he shrank back out of sight, his protective instincts for Kate not really wanting Dr. Motorcycle Boy in there. But he knew _she_ would want her boyfriend there, so out of respect for that, he knew he wouldn't interrupt them. He was about to walk back down the hall when he heard someone speaking. It was Kate, and though he never meant to eavesdrop, his feet felt rooted to the floor and he couldn't move. And he heard her speak in her soft weak voice, and from her tone it seemed like she was determined to get out whatever it was that she needed to say.

"I...love you...Josh." His mind, disbelieving, froze at the words that cut through him like a hot knife through butter. He slumped heavily against the opened doorway, out of their sight, almost as if Josh had pushed him there like he'd pushed him in the hall days ago.

After a few very long seconds in which his mind was reeling and in the background he could hear more of the labored cough sounds that he knew took so much effort for her battered body, he went with his first instinct, which was to leave them alone. His feet now no longer felt glued to the floor; now, the impulse was the opposite-to turn tail and run. He pushed himself off of the doorjamb and strode down the hall when she had started to cough again after her tender confession to her boyfriend. This was obviously a private moment between them, and one that he shouldn't have heard. And oh, how he wished he _hadn't_ heard it! Right now, it felt as if his stomach had plummeted to the ground and he couldn't lift it back up again.

He felt like someone had punched him.

Those were the words he had longed to have her say to him someday, and now he heard her say them to someone else. As he walked, almost stumbled in his shocked stupor, down the hallway, he somehow managed to avoid the people and the medical equipment that were there, even though he wasn't really seeing them as he made his way quickly away from her room. He had a cup of coffee, his lifeblood at keeping him awake over the last few days, but now he found that he didn't want it. He dumped the almost full cup in the trash can that was sitting by the door to the stairs. He started to walk toward the nearby elevator, only concentrating on getting out of there, far away from Kate and the man that she apparently did love. Because staying here any longer was just hitting it home that she would never feel for him even a fraction of the love he felt for her.

He knew he would come back at some point, just because he did love her. He couldn't abandon her totally. He had to make sure she was doing okay, and see if she needed anything, because ultimately, he was still responsible for her being here. But nor could he be around her like he had been, constantly, especially if Josh would be around more. And he was certain that the man _would_ be around more. If the man was lucky enough to have Beckett love him, then he had _better_ be around more. For Kate. No matter how much it killed Castle to see it.

As he stood waiting for the elevator, he heard Lanie call his name. He looked over, and when she caught sight of the pained, almost sick expression on his face, the smile left her face. "God, Castle, what's wrong? Is it Kate?"

He shook his head. "No...Kate's fine. She's great," he said, feeling the punch in his gut again...she had to be feeling great-she was with the guy she loved, after all. "I've got to go now though, so, uh, tell her I'll be back later."

Lanie looked at him strangely. He didn't look right. She knew the guilt of what he perceived as his fault was weighing down on him, but this was more. "When will you be back?" she asked, just as the elevator dinged.

He stepped onto it quickly and punched the button. "I don't know...later," he told her.

Lanie knew the doors were about to shut, but she was worried by that look on his face. She'd seen it before, but she couldn't place it right then. So she said the first thing that came into her mind. "Castle, Kate needs you." It might have been too forward, but somehow Lanie felt that it needed to be said. And as the elevator doors closed, she swore she saw Castle shake his head 'no' at her, that ravaged look still on his face.

And as she stood there staring at the closed elevator doors, she realized where she'd seen that look on his face before. Only it hadn't been on his face. She'd seen that look on Kate's face, when she'd been heartbroken right after she watched Castle walk away with his ex-wife for the summer.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Post publishing edit: <em><strong>Based on some early commentsreviews, I want to make it perfectly clear that Kate did NOT tell Josh that she loved him. She was quoting Castle when she was telling Josh about when Castle said the ILY right after she was shot. She told Josh that to hit home the point that Castle IS serious; that he's not playing with her emotions. Then she started to say, "Josh..." and go on with some random thought or reassurance, but she got interrupted by a coughing fit. So when Castle walked back to the room, he never heard the explanation that she was defending or quoting Castle ('after I was shot, he said...'), he just heard her cough, continue her thought, which was telling Josh about Castle's ILY, say Josh's name to continue the random thought/reassurance and then continue coughing. So what he heard was a small part of what was said, he because he didn't hear all of that, he got it all wrong. I worked on those sections to try to make that very apparent, and after rereading it umpteen million times, I thought I had it, but I guess not. So...clear as mud? Now, back to our originally scheduled author's note.**_**_

_**There it is...the explanation for the title of this story. What Castle heard was very much out of its true context, and has a dramatic effect. It was all pure chance that he walked up at exactly the wrong moment and didn't stick around to hear more afterwards. It seems to be a theme for them: missed opportunities, crossed signals, interruptions...stupid little things that get in the way and keep them apart.**_

_**And if you didn't get it, she broke up with Josh, before the shooting, but nobody else knew about it yet. There was so much happening that that little piece of her life didn't seem significant to share with others at the time.**_

_**In one of the post S3 finale interviews, it was said that (paraphrasing) that they'd reach a new place in their relationship but the ILY wouldn't really be addressed until at least the middle of the season. Did she remember it? Did she not remember it? So initially, I was trying to think of a way that the show could possibly keep them apart after an ILY, and this idea popped into my head. What if Castle hears something, but it's taken out of context, and what he hears is really not what is actually said. It's a defining moment for him, because she may be shot, but he's feeling the emotion from that and he's really vulnerable. He's just opened up his feelings and he thinks he and Kate are getting closer and he's going to tell her again, pretty soon, when she's a little stronger, when there's nothing to prevent her from hearing or understanding or remembering. But then he (thinks he) hears her tell Josh what he's always been hoping to hear Kate say to him, and he's devastated. So therein lies the reason (my hypothesis) of how they can maintain the status quo of working together in S4 even after the ILY was 'out there', and why they don't address it (she's waiting for him to bring it up again, and he won't do it because he thinks (incorrectly) that she loves Josh, because hey, that's what he heard her tell him, right?**_

_**(Uh, that would be a 'wrong', of course...)**_

_**Anyway, I hope the twist was believable. **_

_**So, I'd love to know what you think of this, so let me know. I do love writing this story, but I'll admit that I've been a bit disappointed with the amount of traffic (not just reviews, but actual 'hit' traffic of people who even open the story) this story has received; it seems to be a lot less than my other stories, and the second chapter seemed to be WAY down from the first, despite there being what I thought was a good number of people who story alerted it. Some of the reviews I've gotten are absolutely wonderful, so I know there are some people who like the story. Hopefully it just had to do with me posting chapter 2 during a holiday weekend. So I'll see how the traffic on this chapter is, and if it isn't up and it appears that people have just lost interest in it, then I'll just end this one here and I'll go back to working on 'Blizzard', since that one seems to have more of a readership base and following, and I might as well concentrate my efforts on the story that people seem to want to read more.**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**By popular demand (or at least some demand), I've decided to continue this. I thought about asking where people wanted this to go-happy ending or more realistic to things that have been revealed about the season-but I couldn't figure out a way to actually do a poll without posting a 'fake' chapter and doing it there. But I didn't want to do that b/c I think that's kind of mean-making you all think there's a new chapter when there's not-and I think it's against the site rules anyway. **_

_**So this is my take on where we go from where I left it off. I was going to try to do it as close to what the spoilers implied, but then I realized that this story is already different enough, and that's the point of fanfiction anyway, right? To be different, and show other outcomes, other stories, more stories? So even though it's pretty much A/U by now, except for the initial premise of her getting shot, I decided to do this chapter anyway since people wanted me to put more closure to the story, and I kind of wanted that too.**_

_**Thanks to all of the many people who reviewed chapter 3 and left such encouraging words. I feel mildly guilty for the angst of the chapter, and there's definitely more to come here, but I love that so many of you liked it and appreciated it and wanted to read more. Thank you!**_

_**Tried to have this up before Rise, but oh, well, hey, it didn't work out. But now, if you're anything like me and you want next Monday to get here right NOW, then here's something to keep you occupied for a few minutes until then.**_

_**Anyway, disclaimer: standard disclaimer still applies.**_

* * *

><p><em>Previously: I would put a recap, but you're better off reading the last part of the last chapter. It's really more than I can put in here and still have it be understandable.<em>

Rick went home, mostly on autopilot, after hearing Kate profess her love for her hunky boyfriend-in-mostly-absentia. He just didn't understand how she could still love him, how she could lay there and say _those_ words to that man, when he hadn't even been around in the days since she was out of surgery. Rick was there almost constantly, except for the times he'd gone home to have a quick shower, but he knew Jim was there with her, and Jim had never said anything about Dr. Motorcycle Boy coming around. But Rick wasn't even gone all that long this last time, and there she was, professing her love to the doctor in just the short time he was away.

Without really even knowing how he got there, he found himself in front of his front door. Staring at the keys in his hand like they had just materialized there, he unlocked his door and shuffled in. He collapsed on the couch and thought about how life was a week ago and he wished that he just just go back and erase the last week. Then Kate would be well and whole again, not trying to heal from the inside out where the bullet had cut its path through her as it did its damage. Then his feelings would still be hidden, tucked away where he could manage them, instead of having them displayed for everyone to see, leaving him raw.

She must not have heard him when he told her he loved her after she was shot. She was looking right at him, and he said it twice, but they say that people don't always remember the moments immediately before and after traumatic events. But he'd been there for her! He didn't expect gratitude or even her returned love; he only wanted to be there for her, just because he loved her. He just thought...he hoped...oh, hell. Now that he knew she would live, he supposed that deep down, he'd hoped that even if she didn't remember his words in the cemetery, she would at least feel something of the same connection that he felt with her, and maybe someday...maybe it could turn into more. After he helped her get well. She would see that he was there for her; she would see that he was real. And for a while, since she'd been awake, it seemed that she had. Nobody seemed to blame him, even though he still did. Somehow, it seemed that she wanted him around. And he was planning to be there as long as she felt that way.

But hearing four little words directed at _someone else,_ when that someone else couldn't even be bothered to check on her for three days after she almost died...hearing those words directed at that person as he stood in a sterile hospital hallway had squashed all of those hopes he had of being there for her and maybe becoming something more in time. And stomped those hopes into dust.

And Richard Castle, not knowing what else to do right then, not wanting to feel any more if this hurt inside of him right now, not wanting to remember what went on in the hospital or think about Dr. Motorcycle Boy being with her now, did the only thing he could think of doing right then; he went over to his bar and began his quest to drink his way into oblivion.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Kate laid in her bed, tired, but not able to fall asleep. Her chest hurt, but she wasn't due for more pain meds quite yet. Lanie was there, and had been for a while. Even though Kate herself wasn't aware of it, whenever she opened her eyes, she would glance at the door, as if she somehow thought that if she looked at it more, someone-a certain someone-would walk through it.

"Honey, just give in and go to sleep. I'm sure he'll be back soon," Lanie told her, and then mentally added that if he didn't get back here, and soon, she was going to rip that man a new one when he did get back. Then she amended the statement in her mind when she remembered the tortured look on his face as the elevator doors closed. The look that she didn't understand. She knew he was hurting, that he blamed himself. Kate's dad had told her as much when she saw that he was barely leaving the hospital. The look on his face was sad, sure, but it was different than she'd seen on him before. He seemed to be in such a hurry to leave, and even when she told him that Kate needed him, she could have sworn that he shook his head no.

Kate opened her eyes again. "Thought Castle was...going to get coffee. Been gone...long time. Is...he okay?"

Lanie didn't want to tell her that it appeared that Castle had left. With him being with her pretty much constantly since her surgery, seeing the way her eyes now looked for him almost unconsciously, Lanie couldn't do that to her. "I saw him on the phone in the hall earlier, honey," she lied. "He looked like he was talking to his publisher or something. He probably didn't want to disturb you while he argued with the suits."

"Umm..." Kate nodded slightly, just about dropping off to sleep.

"That's it. Go to sleep, honey. He'll be back," Lanie told her friend, and then added silently to herself, "and he'd better be back _soon_ or he's gonna have to answer to me."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

But Rick didn't come back to the hospital, not that night. He succeeded in his quest to drink himself into oblivion. Alexis was staying at a friend's house, luckily, but Martha came home several hours into his quest to find him throwing darts, not entirely successfully, in the direction of the Naked Heat poster that he'd thrown the glass at several days before. Before Kate got shot. Before he admitted out loud that he loved her. Before he heard her say that she loved someone else.

"Richard! What in the world are you doing?"

"Whazzit look li' I'm doin'?"

She hadn't registered it before, but she now noticed the glass in his hand and the dart in the other one. "Richard, are you...drunk?"

"Yup! Iss very usss...tute of you, Mother."

Her son had had his wild days, sure, but she could see this was different. And with the events of the last several days, she knew somehow that it had to involve the upheaval in his life recently, and his worry over the detective. Then she had a thought, and it caused her stomach to feel like it dropped to her feet, and she reached out to the nearby chair to support herself while she asked the question.

"Richard, did something happen to Kate? Did she...?" She let the question trail off, not wanting to voice the actual words.

"If yer gonna say 'did she get all lovey dovey with her boyfriend', then the answer's a big ol' fat yes."

Martha felt a breath whoosh out of her at his words, so thankful that he didn't say that Kate had died. "She's alive then?"

"Yeah. Cheers." And he held up his glass and took another drink. And he threw one of the darts he held at the poster, and it landed right on the silhouette's backside. "Ha! Lookit that. She gets bit in the butt too."

"Kiddo, what happened?" his mother asked in a soft voice, sitting down side of him.

He drained his glass, and then he looked at his mother. "I wenta get some coffee, an' when I came back, I see Doctor pushy-shovey Motocycle Boy is in there with her and then the next thing I know, she tells him she loves him."

Martha drew in a quick breath. "No, that can't be right. He hasn't even been around, to hear you tell it."

"He hassen. But I guess it duzzin matter mush to her."

"Well, you must have misunderstood. I saw the way she looked at you at the funeral, right before she was shot. She heard you tell her that you loved her. You've been there for her. How could she just throw all of that aside?"

"I dunno, Mom. Bu' I heard her say it. 'I love you, J...Josh.'" His voice broke on the doctor's name when he forced himself to repeat the words that he heard, the words that had been echoing through his mind since he said them. "I've been askin' myself that for the last coupla hours. This," he said, holding up his empty glass, "was sposed ta make me forget, bu' so far iss not workin'. Think I need s'more." He started to get up, but she laid a hand on his leg.

"Kiddo, I'm sorry." She reached up to touch her son's face, to stroke his cheek, flashing back to when he was a little boy and he found out that he'd overheard a friend saying unkind things about him. He was devastated, and he didn't want to go back to school for fear of having to face the former friend and not know what to say, or do. "I'm not going to pretend to understand, but she's not herself right now. Maybe she just needs to heal a little bit and get some perspective, and then she'll realize what you mean to her."

He looked up at his mother with sad, bloodshot eyes, eyes that were now moist. "It hurts, mom," he said, his voice sounding anguished. It broke her heart. And hearing him call her 'mom', twice now, well that just broke her heart even more; he almost never called her that, and only did when he was most vulnerable. But those sad eyes continued to look at her, and he spoke again. "I thought...I thought maybe we'd reached a point where she'd see that I...that she might be willing to try...with me. I love her, and I want to help her, but she loves someone else. What do I do now?"

She wanted to take his pain away, just like she did when he was a little boy. But she knew she couldn't do it for him. She could only be there. So she did the only thing she could do. She reached out and pulled her son, the now grown man that was hurting so much, into a hug.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The days passed and Kate got stronger. Rick, after he'd recovered from his whopper of a hangover and was convinced that he could pull of the 'concerned friend' persona once again, made another appearance at her bedside. Ryan and then Esposito had called him in the interim, obviously wondering where he was but not really asking, although Rick could read between the lines. He tried to sound happy, and appropriately concerned about Kate, but claimed to be busy with the details for the upcoming Derek Storm graphic novel, and the Nikki Heat books, etc. etc.

He walked into her room for the first time after hearing her confession to Josh, not the next day afterward, but two days later. She was sitting up in bed a bit more, and she looked like she had a bit more color to her cheeks. Jim was there with her, but nobody else. When he walked in, her eyes widened slightly, but then a small smile curved her lips. She held out a hand to him. "Rick," she greeted. Even just that one word that she spoke sounded stronger, and he was grateful for that. Even though he didn't want to touch her, didn't feel he had the _right_ to touch her, he took her outstretched hand briefly and gave it a squeeze before setting it down on the blanket.

The blue blanket. His blue blanket that he'd brought her. She still had it on her bed, around her. And somehow, seeing the blanket that _he'd_ brought her, still covering her, made his gut hurt just a little bit.

And he glanced away from her, and his eyes came to rest on the pillow and the other blanket that he'd brought from home, the ones that he'd used when he'd stayed with her. The ones he wouldn't be using here again.

"You look better," he said to her, before turning to her father. "Has she been behaving herself, Jim? No dancing?" he tried to joke.

Jim answered him politely, "No dancing. She could try to eat a little more, but she's been good. Healing."

"That's good. So...how have you been? I mean, you know, aside from..." he trailed off, gesturing to her torso, where the bandages could still be seen peeking out of the top of her hospital gown. It occurred to everyone in the room, even the drugged-up Kate, that this conversation was starting out to be disgustingly impersonal and polite.

The conversation went on, and Jim was struck by how much different this Rick was than the Rick of a few days ago. He participated, sure, but he was distant. He was impersonal. He wasn't the man that Jim had seen, broken up over his daughter's shooting, wanting, _needing_ to be with her.

Kate soon was sleepy, and Rick stayed until she had drifted off again. And as soon as she had, Rick seemed as though he couldn't get out of the room fast enough. He stood up and attempted to say a hasty goodbye to Jim, but Jim was having none of it. Rick looked at the hand the Jim had placed on his arm, effectively stopping him from leaving the room.

"Rick," he said in a whisper so as to not wake his daughter, "let's talk."

Rick nodded and moved out into the hall with him. It was strange, attempting to have a private meaningful conversation in the hallway, amidst the hustle and bustle of the patients and all of the personnel scurrying around, tending to their needs. Jim looked at Rick. "I don't know quite how to say this, Rick. I mean, we don't know each other very well, so please forgive me for being blunt, but just where the hell have you been for the better part of the last few days?"

Somehow Rick expected Jim to say something, but still, he didn't quite expect it to be put the way it was. "I'm sorry, Jim. I had some things that I needed to take care of, and it ended up taking longer than I thought."

Jim stared at him for a bit, trying to read him, but he didn't know that Rick had spent the better part of the last day, once he recovered from his drunken stupor and lovesick breakdown, trying to retrain his face, his responses, and his demeanor into the carelessly detached persona that he'd crafted and had maintained so well until recently. So Jim was left wondering what was going on, but still, he went with his gut. "You're standing there looking like you just popped in for a casual visit; very little like the man that sat with me during her surgery, or the man who brought his own blankets and pillow and camped out in her room. That man was in love with my daughter. I know that, and I know you can't fake what I saw coming from you. And then you disappeared, and Katie never asked, but I could see she was wondering. She looked for you, Rick. So do you want to tell me why you disappeared on her?"

"I told you," he repeated, "I just had some things that I needed to take care of." He was trying for a nonchalant tone.

Jim stared at him, silent, trying to read him. And Rick knew the man was trying to read him. Jim was looking at him with that fatherly gaze, the one he tried to use himself to intimidate Alexis' boyfriends. It was all Rick could do not to wilt under his gaze, but he held strong. At least he thought he did, until Jim spoke again. "No, Rick. I'm sorry, I don't buy it. Something happened. A few days ago, it was all we could do to make you go home to take a shower and get some sleep, and you were barely gone before you came back, carrying things so you could camp out and you wouldn't have to go home again. And then, all of a sudden, you left for coffee and never came back...you all but abandoned her."

Rick flinched at the older man's words, specifically one. Abandoned. And it compelled him to speak, even though the words were not well thought out, not for Rick.

"Abandoned her? No, Jim, I'd never do that. That's why I'm here now. But I..." He looked around then, and realizing that they were still in the hall, motioned Jim down to the waiting area that was only a few doors away. Luckily nobody was inside the small room, so he just dove right back into what he'd been saying in the hall. "I realized that I've been spending too much time here. And I really have no right to do that; I just finally realized it. I'm not family. I'm not her partner, not officially anyway. I'm not anybody...important." He paused after the last word, as if it took a lot of strength for him to say. "I'm just her tagalong, and now I'm the tagalong that almost got her killed." Jim saw the defeat in his eyes, and heard it in his words. "I'd never abandon her, because I...she means something to me, but let's just say that I've realized my place."

Jim's mouth had dropped open slightly as Rick fumbled through his words. He shook his head slightly. "Rick, I told you before all of this happened that unless you were dumber than you look, I knew you had feelings for Katie. I know you do. And I know she has feelings for you. So this whole speech about you not being important, that it's not your place...Rick, that's a bunch of bull."

Rick stared at the older man, who seemed to be daring him to reveal all that he had schooled himself _not_ to reveal in the past two days. But with some resolve that he didn't know he had, Rick still managed to shake his head as he told Jim, "Jim, I'm sorry you feel that way. The last thing I want to do right now is to cause you or Kate more stress."

Jim shook his head, somewhat in wonder. "I have to say...Damn, Rick. You really are a master with words, aren't you? You've got the evasive answering thing down pat." His voice, when he spoke next, acquired a steely edge. "So let me ask you something, point blank. And I want either a 'yes' answer or a 'no' answer; no evasions, no half answers, no B.S. Got it?"

This was Kate's _father_, for goodness sake, and suddenly, Rick felt as though he was being interrogated by his prom date's dad about his intentions for the evening. The emotional rollercoaster of the last several days had taken a toll on him, and he could only dumbly nod at the man across from him.

"Do you love my daughter?"

Simple, direct, but emotionally deadly. That's what the question was. He already felt as though giving his answer would suck the life out of him, like him admitting his feelings to anyone now would be akin to taking the beating heart right out of his body and throwing it on the ground, especially after what he heard two days ago, coming directly from Kate herself. But he'd all but promised the man honesty, so he simply nodded his head, and then, although it felt as if saying the word was indeed going to injure him somehow, he uttered, "Yes."

Jim clenched his lips together and turned around quickly as soon as Rick spoke, taking a few steps toward the other side of the small room, before he faced Rick again and told him forcefully, "So you show that by disappearing for two days?"

"Sir, with all due respect, how I may feel or may not feel has no bearing on things. It's all about how Kate feels. She's the injured one. And she doesn't..." he stopped, not knowing how to word what he was thinking so it didn't make him sound like a spoiled child.

"Doesn't what?" Jim prompted.

"She doesn't want me." There it was...one of those sentences that, when spoken out loud, felt like knives slicing through him.

"You know, I think I might revise my assessment of your mental capacity if you keep spouting that nonsense." He rolled his eyes in a scary imitation of his daughter's habit when she, herself, was frustrated with Rick. "Did you know that Katie won't let that blanket away from her? The blanket that _you_ brought?"

"It's a really nice blanket," Rick said noncommittally. "It was imported from England, and it's made with a special, hypoallergenic..." he trailed off as he saw Jim's eyes widen slightly as he extolled the virtues of the blanket. "I'm, uh, happy she likes it."

"And I thought my daughter was stubborn," Jim said, rolling his eyes to the ceiling again. "Rick, I'm a man, and we're known for being notoriously dense about feelings and relationships, but even I can see that the damn blanket is something tangible that represents you. Because _you_ brought it for her. Please, stick around, for Katie. Please. You don't have to stay here, 24/7 like you had been doing, but please don't go away again for entire days. If you could have seen how she kept looking for you, kept looking toward the door, the way her eyes darted around the room whenever she woke up from a nap..." Jim shook his head and then looked at Rick again. "Rick, I'm asking you from one father to another. If there was something that your daughter needed to make her well, to help her heal when she almost died, wouldn't you do anything to give it to her? Rick, she needs you. Don't stay away again."

Rick let out a long breath and sunk down in a chair. That was a low verbal blow that Jim had dealt, playing the father card, but it was effective. Jim was right; if Alexis was hurting, he would do anything to make her feel better, to give her what she needed. It was like when Ashley had come to see him at the station, to make a plea for Rick to talk to Alexis on Ashley's behalf. And he had, sort of, even though he felt strange doing it. But he did it for Alexis, because he knew that she wanted Ashley. Yes, he could certainly understand Jim's plea, father to father.

He looked up at Jim. "I already said that I wouldn't totally abandon her. I just need to...scale back, if you will."

"No, I won't. Son, I can't force you to do anything, I know that. But I can appeal for that love you say you have for my daughter. Be there for her. Stay with her, more than just five minutes every third day. Help her get well. Because I know she'll listen to you, and I know she'll want you there. I don't know what the hell happened to make you disappear the first time, but I'm sincere when I ask you: pease don't disappear again."

Rick so wanted to ask Jim why he wasn't having this conversation with Josh, but he couldn't bring himself to utter the man's name. So as he gazed up at Jim, he said softly, "Okay, Jim." Rick saw Kate's dad visibly relax at his agreement. But he forged on, because he knew what else he had to say, and it was the only way that he felt he could possibly do what Jim was asking, knowing what he knew, and remembering what he'd heard.

"I won't disappear. I'll stay with Kate while she gets better. But I have one condition. I have to hear it from Kate that she wants me there. She has to ask me to stay."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Well, I said four or five chapters, so with that, it looks like this one is going to be five. <strong>_

_**Hope I wasn't too OOC here. I thought it might be too much for Jim, but I'll try to justify it by saying that he saw his only child almost die, and he saw the bond and the connection between her and Castle for several days, and then poof-Castle was gone. And even HE is left wondering, never mind Kate. And after that, Jim noticed a change in that child of his, the one who just cheated death, and he'll do whatever he can to restore equilibrium and comfort back to her so she can heal, and if that means pleading with the person who was there for her for several days, then so be it.**_

_**But Castle has erected his own walls now, ever since he (thought he) heard Kate's confession to Josh, so a simple request from Jim just isn't going to do it anymore. He's operating under false assumptions, but he doesn't know that. And he's just trying to protect himself.**_

_**Now...Rise! So much awesomeness! So many little things that are going to be the 'themes' of and set the tone for the new the season. And so much subtext, like always. I wonder how many people out there just do not see or 'get' all of the subtext in the show, all of the parallels that they create?**_

_**But anyway, thanks for reading, and please, please review (or drop me a pm) so I know what you think of this chapter. Seriously, I keep getting new story alerts, so you must like SOMETHING about it, so hey, just let me know what you like, okay? The feedback makes me want to write more chapters rather than scrap the whole thing b/c people don't seem to have anything to say about it.**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Sorry it's been so long since I updated this. Initially, I was wondering about the feasibility of continuing it because of interest. But lately, a few people have specifically asked about it and I decided I wanted to come back to it. Of course it's AU, and by now it's a long time in the past. But I wanted my version of this to have some closure, so here it is.**_

_**It's kind of long, but I've been working on it all week and that's what tends to happen. I didn't want to just give this a quick, pat ending; I wanted to flesh it out and end it in the way like I'd always intended. I'm kind of happy with the way it turned out, and I hope you all are too. It's slightly different than the way I originally intended for it to end, but I still like it.**_

_**Since it's been so long, I kind of want to advise you to go back and read the story from the beginning to refamiliarize yourself with the story and get the 'feel' of it back because this story is a lot different in tone than what I usually write. And if you can't do that, then I've provided a few paragraphs from the last chapter to show where we left off, and to segue into the new chapter.**_

_**Disclaimer: the usual.**_

* * *

><p><em>He looked up at Jim. "I already said that I wouldn't totally abandon her. I just need to...scale back, if you will."<em>

_"No, I won't. Son, I can't force you to do anything, I know that. But I can appeal for that love you say you have for my daughter. Be there for her. Stay with her, more than just five minutes every third day. Help her get well. Because I know she'll listen to you, and I know she'll want you there. I don't know what the hell happened to make you disappear the first time, but I'm sincere when I ask you: pease don't disappear again."_

_Rick so wanted to ask Jim why he wasn't having this conversation with Josh, but he couldn't bring himself to utter the man's name. So as he gazed up at Jim, he said softly, "Okay, Jim." Rick saw Kate's dad visibly relax at his agreement. But he forged on, because he knew what else he had to say, and it was the only way that he felt he could possibly do what Jim was asking, knowing what he knew, and remembering what he'd heard._

_"I won't disappear. I'll stay with Kate while she gets better. But I have one condition. I have to hear it from Kate that she wants me there. She has to ask me to stay."_

Jim looked at him, obviously taken aback by what he'd just heard Rick say. "Rick, she just almost died." He mildly regretted his strong words when he saw Rick visibly flinch. But he forged on. "She's not in a position to beg and plead with you. And you know that's not her style anyway. She was so happy, so...totally content to have you with her before...you could tell that from just looking at her. It was just automatic, that she accepted your presence. She looked for it. She didn't ask you then, but you were there. And for her to ask you now...she can't...Rick, she's recovering. From a gunshot wound to her chest. She's still on pain meds, she's still sleeping a lot, and she's trying to heal. She's not in a place where she can have some big intense talk."

Jim's words made a certain amount of sense, and they made Rick feel guilty for thinking it. But at the same time, she also had the strength, even several days ago and despite the coughing fits, to say what she did to...her boyfriend. And that wasn't him. And that was the crux of his problem.

"Jim, I'm not asking for a big intense talk. She's not a talker anyway, and even if she was, I know this is not the right time. But...I..." He stopped and ran his fingers through his hair, and felt some of his resolve, some of his happy-go-lucky impersonal facade slipping away. "Look, I already told you that I don't belong here."

"I beg to differ."

He huffed out a breath and paced to the other side of the room, while he could feel Jim's gaze on him, just waiting. "Jim, I don't...I already said I'll continue to visit. But like I said, I know my place now. I'm not going to butt into Kate's recovery unless I hear it from her. As it stands now, I shouldn't have even-"

"Rick, this is insane!" Rick was a little taken aback with the stern tone to the older man's words. "You shouldn't have helped her when she couldn't sleep? You shouldn't have held her hand and given her some tangible comfort to cling to? You shouldn't have been there, whenever she needed, giving her your love and comfort?" Now it was Jim's turn to run his hand through his hair as he paced around the room.

At the mention of the word 'love', Rick felt his heart constrict again. But apparently Jim wasn't finished. "Rick, I just don't get this! You were so torn up when she was shot, and like I said before, we could hardly get you to leave Katie's room. Not that I minded, for her, once I saw what having you there did for her. But then you left to get coffee and you didn't come back. Lanie said she saw you leaving that day and she said you looked like you'd seen a ghost. I've turned this over and over in my mind in the last couple of days, trying to understand how you could go from one extreme to the other so quickly. I don't understand it, Rick. So will you please explain it to me? Explain to me how you could seem to love my daughter more than your next breath one minute and then abandon her the next. And please, don't give me those BS answers about you not having a place here or you having some other things to take care of. I know that's not it. Please tell me..._what happened?_"

Rick sunk down in one of the chairs. He scrubbed his hands over his face. He'd just spent the last two days trying to get himself into a better place mentally, enough so that he'd at least be able to try to be around Kate again without the feeling of what he'd never have-her love-churning in his gut like rotten food. Somehow, in that small amount of time since she'd been shot and since he'd been with her almost constantly, he'd figured out that he'd been unconsciously getting his hopes up for something more to develop between them. Her response to him, how she wanted him there, how she looked to him for comfort, like Jim had said...he knew now that those things, coupled with the act of him actually voicing his own feelings for her, had pushed him to a dangerous place emotionally, where she held his heart in her hands and he couldn't do anything about it. But that heart had been figuratively dropped off a cliff when he'd heard her admission of love for the doctor. Still, since then, during his time at home and away from her, he thought he'd gotten himself back to a place where he could look at her and only be thankful that she was alive; that he'd managed to, once again, squash those feelings down to a place deep inside of him where nobody could see them.

But he hadn't counted on Jim. Kate, right now at least, he could handle. But Jim...now Rick knew where Kate got some of her tenacity, where she got her instinct. Jim was not letting this drop, and Rick was finding it more and more difficult to try to put the man off without having to say out loud what he was feeling and dredge up all of that soul-sucking emotion, and in the process sound like a complete and utter fool. Because he knew now that he was stupid. He was so incredibly stupid to think that he might ever have a chance with Kate.

But he knew that Jim wasn't going to take anymore vague stories. The man would see through it; there was no question. So Rick knew he would have to try some semblance of the truth, and he hoped that the version that he told Jim would be enough to not rip his already tenuous emotions to shreds, but would be enough to satisfy Jim.

"I..." he started. "Jim, Kate already has someone...special to her, at least in the way that you're talking about. And it's not...me. Not like that. So like I said, I'll be happy to stop by from time to time, and the offer is still on the table for whatever you or Kate might need, monetarily speaking."

Jim just shook his head. "Now we're getting somewhere, finally. But son, you are a hard man pin down. Did you have to take a course on evasion to be able to master it as well as you have?" He held up a hand. "No, don't answer that. I don't know how much more of it I can take. Straight talk, Rick. That's all I'm asking for. If not for me, then for Katie."

"Everything I do is for Kate," he said, the words slipping out before he could censor them. "Sorry," he said, shrugging.

"No, don't apologize. That's the most honest and forthright sentence I think I've heard you say in days. Now, you said Kate already has someone special to her, but it's not you. So tell me, Rick, who exactly is this mystery man that's making you all noble and pigheadedly stupid?"

Rick did a double-take at Kate's father's description of him. "Now I so know where she gets it from," he whispered. But then he shook his head. "Jim, her _boyfriend_. Josh. The doctor...you know. You...met him. We all met him," he added under his breath.

Jim looked confused. "Yes, I know who Josh is. Her ex. But why are you worried about Josh? He hasn't even been to see her...well, hardly at all."

And there, thought Rick, lay the crux of the problem, the proverbial knife that was turning in his back, the irony of the whole situation. She loved Josh, yet he couldn't even be bothered to come and see her. He shook his head in defeat, basically agreeing to what Jim had said about the doctor not having been around much. But then something else the Jim had said popped into the forefront of his mind. "Ex?" he asked Jim, puzzled, but at the same time, a little glimmer of hope flared to life inside his chest.

"The doctor?" Jim clarified. "Well, yeah..." Jim thought back to his conversation with Kate, days earlier, the one where she told him that Josh 'wasn't an issue'. She'd never technically said 'ex', but with what she did say, coupled with the fact that the man was never around...well, Jim thought that 'ex' about summed it up.

"As of when?" Rick just had to know, because the word 'ex' didn't really go with 'I love you, Josh.'

"I don't know...at least several days ago." At the older man's words, Rick did some mental calculations. Several days. So it sounded like maybe they'd broken up before the shooting, but then Kate realized her feelings for him and told him when she was barely strong enough to get the words out. Despite Rick's confession of love in the cemetery, which she obviously didn't remember, or probably just didn't want to think about. That she would go to that effort to tell him when she was in such dire condition spoke volumes. That small flicker of hope that had been inside him dimmed, and then extinguished itself. Rick nodded, but then didn't say anything.

"Well, a lot can happen in a few days," Rick told him dejectedly.

"Don't we all know it," Jim responded. Normally, it would have been kind of a joke, but now the statement fell flat with the seriousness of the conversation.

Feeling the need to escape once again so he could get a handle on his emotions, Rick rose abruptly out of the chair. "Well, I really need to go, so if that's-"

"No." Rick had no choice but to be impressed with the older man's reflexes as he jumped up and put a hand on Rick's arm to keep him from going anywhere. "Rick, I told you before that I would do anything for my daughter to see her get well, as I'm sure you would for your daughter. I know you love Katie. I just can't figure out why you won't-"

"She doesn't love _me_, okay, Jim?" he spat out, intensely and tragically, although in a soft voice, ever mindful of the hospital location. "And right now, that hurts. It hurts more than I ever thought it possibly could. I know I'm a guy and it shouldn't, but it does. Acknowledging the extent of my own feelings for her, feeling her blood on my hands, seeing her almost die..." He trailed off, getting a pained look in his eyes. "But when she lived, I was so thankful. I just wanted...her. And I started thinking that maybe, with some time, we could work toward... But I was wrong, okay? And you were too, if you thought she wanted me. She needs Josh...that's who she wants, that's who _she_ needs and...loves." He said that last word with regret, as if it was almost physically painful for him to say. "Not me. So what you need to do is go find that doctor, and you need to give him the talking to that you just gave me. And you need to get him back here to be with Kate, give her what she deserves. Right now, I'm going to go get some coffee." He held up a hand in reassurance. "No, I'll be back, but I have to get myself together a little bit first. I won't even leave the hospital, I promise." And with that, he walked out the door, leaving Jim staring after him.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Jim let himself into his daughter's room and found her eyes looking hopefully in his direction when he came through the door. But when she realized it was only him, he saw that all-too-familiar flash of disappointment when she realized that he was alone; that a certain someone wasn't there with him, as he had been when they left the room. "Hi, Dad," she said.

"Hi, Sweetheart." He leaned over and gave her a kiss on her forehead, briefly leaning his hand on the bed, where it came into contact with the blue blanket that Rick had brought her. He sat lightly on the side of her bed and stared at her intently. "Katie, we need to talk."

"Dad?" The question was there in her word...'what is this about?'

"Katie, what's your relationship with the doctor...Josh?"

She furrowed her eyebrows at him. That was not what she was expecting to hear come out of his mouth. "Josh? What? Josh and I...I guess we're friends...now. Kind of. He helped save my life...and I'll always be grateful to him for that."

"But...Katie, I know you're an adult, and you don't have to report to me or anything like that. So, forgive me for asking this, but do you love him?"

Love Josh? What? Kate looked at her father, wondering what he was talking about, wondering if she either needed another dose of pain meds, or maybe she was hitting them too heavy. Because she couldn't make sense of her father's question. "Love...Josh? You mean...?" Jim nodded. "Like that...well, no. Dad? What...is this about?" She thought it strange to be having this conversation with her dad. This was more...girlfriend talk, or something. It wasn't dad/daughter talk, at least for them.

At her negative answer, Jim let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. "That's what I thought. Katie, like I said before when we tried to have this conversation, this is strange." She smiled a little, thinking of how he'd just echoed her thoughts with his words. "But I want you to get well. You gave me quite a scare, Katie-bug."

The use of her old nickname took her back a few decades, and she had a brief flash of how she felt when she was a little girl. "I know, dad." She might have been in a lot of pain and asleep a lot, but she was lucid enough to see the stress in her father's face over the last several days. "I'm sorry."

"No, Katie, I'm not trying to get you to apologize. I'm trying to tell you that when I was so scared, I wasn't alone. I had someone with me who was just as torn up as I was. And it wasn't Josh."

She nodded because she knew who he was referring to with his comments, but she didn't say anything, so he forged on. "He's a good one, you know?" She nodded again. "But right now, that man is thinking that you don't want him around because you're madly in love with that doctor."

"What?" she asked, a little too suddenly and the wound in her chest pulled a little bit. She took some deep breaths until the pain subsided as she lightly pressed her hand near her wound, and then she continued in a soft voice. "Dad, Josh and I...broke up. Why would he think that I was...that I felt like that?" For some reason, she couldn't phrase it the way her father had, with that certain 'L' word. "Josh hasn't really even been around, well, except the one time a few days ago." Her voice, even though she was speaking more evenly now, still sounded tired and just a little bit hoarse.

"I don't know, honey. But Rick...he's torn up. We just talked, and I can tell you, that man is a master with his words. I can see why he's been on the bestseller list so many times. Do you know how long I had to go around and around with him before he would tell me that much?"

"I can...imagine."

"Finally he let loose and he told me to go get Josh and tell him to be here for you, because he's the one you love, and you need him here. He said he's in the way, he said it's not 'his place' to be here with you. Personally, I think that's a bunch of bull, but as God is my witness, that's what that man believes, no matter how much I tried to convince him otherwise. But Katie, you have to tell me, right now. Do you want Josh? Because if he is and he's not here, then by God I'm going to find out why the hell he's not."

She felt the tears welling in her eyes. Between her normally detached father offering to go 'Daddy-bear' on her ex-boyfriend, and what he was saying about Castle, she had so much emotion in her throat that she almost couldn't speak. But she managed to utter the single syllable, "No."

Jim closed his eyes. Okay, so he wasn't so off-base about things. That was a place to start. He opened them to find tears swimming in his daughter's eyes. "Tell me, Katie."

She tried to take some deep breaths to calm herself, but he knew they were painful for her. Finally, she spoke. "Castle...he was my constant for those first few days. He was here, Dad, and then he just...wasn't." He could read between the lines. Finally, she was admitting that she missed him, that she'd looked for him and wondered about him during those days when he was absent. They'd all asked her about him, if she wanted them to call him, and she'd insisted that she didn't. But now she was finally admitting that she was affected by his absence.

"I know. And I tried to ask him why he left and stayed away, but he wouldn't say much."

But then her face morphed into a horrified expression. "Oh, God, Dad, tell me...you didn't give him the third degree or something?"

"Hey, you're in no shape to do it, and I had to see what I could find out. And I had to know for myself. For him to be here almost constantly to just...leaving? I wanted to know too." He shrugged, in an attempt to lighten the mood and explain his usually dormant fatherly interference. "Katie, it was obvious that you needed him, even though you wouldn't admit it." She nodded slightly, letting those words hang in the air for a few moments.

"So..." she almost didn't want to ask the question, lest she sound too eager, but she had to. "Is he here?"

Jim smiled. "He said he went to get coffee, but he promised he-"

Jim was interrupted by a quiet knock on the door, and a brown head peeking through the opening. "Would there happen to be any detectives in here who might be up for a visitor?" Rick asked jovially as he stuck his head through the opening that the door made.

Kate chuckled a bit, with most of her being simply very relieved to see him. "Yeah...come on, Castle. Come in and take a load off." She looked down and tried to furiously blink her eyes to hopefully rid them of any residual moisture.

Rick came into the room and sat down, setting two coffee cups on the bedside table. "I took the liberty of getting you your usual, Detective. I know you can't drink very much of it, but I thought maybe a little sip of your beverage of choice might taste good."

At the start of his explanation when she realized that one of the cups was for her, she pursed her lips together, trying to hold in the emotion that suddenly swamped her from that normal little act that he'd done for her countless times before that bullet ripped into her chest. It was normal gesture for them then, but now it was so much more. He was now here again, after his relatively long absence, and he brought her usual coffee. Her dad's words popped into her mind again..._"he's a good one, you know?"_ And thinking of that, her lips curved into a little smile and she said softly, "Thanks, Rick."

Just hearing her call him by his first name sent a little jolt through him. But he schooled his response and just smiled back at her. "Anytime, Detective."

Jim's words interrupted their locked gazes as he cleared his throat and then bent over his daughter to give her a kiss on her cheek. "I'm going to go grab something to eat before my stomach starts rumbling. And then I think I may run home and...water my plants." Kate wanted to roll her eyes at her dad. Water his plants? She didn't think he even owned a houseplant. Could he be more obvious?" Rick, you'll stay with her until I get back?" The words were said casually enough, but there was an undercurrent, more like a dare from the older man to the younger one, like Jim was warning him, _"Don't you dare run away again. You stay here, young man."_

Rick blinked at his unspoken pseudo-threat, but then nodded. "Sure. I'm sure your daughter can keep me entertained with the antics of the hospital staff. I really want to know if there's any truth to what happens on General Hospital," he joked.

"Yeah, right," Kate muttered, scoffing at a soap opera being in the least bit realistic.

"Hey, they have to base it on something, right? So some of it is probaby true!" Rick argued good-naturedly. And when Jim saw the bantering, he knew that his daughter was in good hands, and that his message to not leave had been heard by Rick. So with a quick wave of his hand, he was out the door and the two were alone for the first time in several days.

Castle sat down, and then they just looked at each other for several moments, neither of them saying a word. Then he remembered the coffee, and he turned toward the table with a casual, "Oh, almost forgot" comment. Grabbing her small coffee, he snatched the straw out of a water cup and stuck it into the small opening in the cup. He held it out to her and she attempted a glare.

"A straw, Castle? In coffee? Really?"

She still sounded tired, but the slight challenge, the slight annoyance that was pure Beckett was there. She was only giving him a little bit of grief, because that was what they did with each other. But being on edge the way he was over the last few days, his face lost the smile, as if he thought he'd committed some unspeakable sin. Her dad was right...something had changed with him. She raised an eyebrow and tried to smile just a bit to let him know she wasn't _really_ mad, and it seemed to do the trick.

He visibly relaxed a bit when he saw the look on her face. "Well, isn't it some sort of rule that if you're in the hospital, and you drink something, you have to drink it through a bendy straw?" he quipped, although somewhat cautiously.

As if they were both puppets, both of their gazes traveled to a bedside table where there were three cups with various drinks in them, all containing bendy straws. They looked back at each other, and Castle then raised his eyebrow at Kate. "You might...have something there," she said, trying to stifle a yawn. But still, she took a sip of the coffee that he held out for her, bringing her lips to the straw. When the warm liquid hit her tongue, she swallowed it slowly and let out a little sound of pleasure. "Oh, Castle, you don't know how good that tastes." And she grabbed the straw for another sip.

"How much can you have?" He figured a sip or two wouldn't hurt, but she'd now taken the cup from him and seemed to be enjoying it. And the last thing he wanted to do was to get her sick from the coffee if she wasn't supposed to be drinking it.

"I think this is okay. I don't know about...the caffeine though," she admitted

"It's decaf. I didn't think caffeine would be a good thing when you need your sleep to help you heal."

She was touched by his thoughtfulness, not just at bringing her favorite coffee, but at making sure it was decaf. But at the same time, she was amazed at what he said. "Decaf? I hate decaf. But that's...so good."

"Probably because you haven't had it in a while. You just missed it, so it's good even if it's not quite the same."

She nodded and handed the cup back to him after taking one more drink. Thinking about what he said, she mumbled, "Kind of like you," as she laid her head back against the pillow.

He looked up, wondering if he'd heard her correctly. "Me?"

She looked at him through tired eyes. He could see her strength was fading; she needed some rest. But first, she answered his question. "You," she confirmed. "I haven't...seen you in a while. And you don't seem quite the same either."

He wasn't, he thought ruefully. Part of him wanted to be right where he was, by her, like always, but the other part just wanted to run. But when she continued, he almost felt his heart skip a beat. "And I missed you," she said softly, but still looking directly at him.

"I..." he didn't know what to say. Kate had missed him? And she just _admitted_ to him that she'd missed him? "But you-" He couldn't get any more out before she suddenly coughed a few times and then tiredly leaned her head back into the pillow. "You need some sleep," he told her, totally avoiding the previous topic, but also knowing that she wasn't ready for a discussion like that now anyway.

She nodded. "I still...get tired quickly. Hate it."

"It helps you heal. Go to sleep, Kate. You don't have to try to stay awake to talk to me."

"But..." she started, but then looked hesitant.

"What?"

"The last time you were here, I was...going to take a nap, but you left and you...never came back, Castle." Her words were spoken softly, but even so, they were still intense, and there was a level of hurt layering the words.

Hearing her, his stomach hurt a little bit, knowing that with his actions he'd caused her distress. But still he wondered why she cared, why she would exhibit that level of hurt, when she had Josh. Even though Josh wasn't there much. But he could think about that, ruminate over it later. "Sorry, I was...well, never mind. You just get some rest, okay?"

"Will you stay?"

He froze at her words. His eyes whipped back to hers, thinking that she couldn't have possibly just said that; it was what he'd just told Jim he'd needed to hear. He'd told Jim that he needed her to ask him to stay. And she just did. He could hardly believe it, because really, when he told Jim that, he thought there would be no way that she'd ever ask him. He thought that would be his out, the way to save his sanity, his justification that he wouldn't have to spend more time around someone he loved, watching her while he knew she loved someone else.

But now she had; she'd asked him to stay. Point blank, no subtlety. She'd asked him to stay.

And he looked into her tired but beautiful eyes after he heard those three words, and he couldn't deny her. He'd conditionally promised Jim, and that condition had been met. "Yes, I'll stay while you sleep."

"You'll stay here? In the room?" she clarified.

"Yes."

"And after...I wake up?"

"Then...I guess we'll have to have a long conversation about what's General-Hospital-worthy around here and what's not. I did tell your dad that's what we'd be talking about, after all."

She gave him a weak smile. "Cas-uh, Rick?"

He gave a small start at the mention of his first name again. "What?"

She held up her hand. "Hold my hand for a little while?"

He looked down at the hand that she was offering him like it was some sort of alien object. Who was this Beckett, and why did she want him here? He couldn't help wondering, after hearing her words to Josh replay in his head hundreds of times in the last couple of days. But when it came right down to it, he wasn't going to argue, and if she wanted it, he wasn't going to refuse her. He loved her; he didn't know if he could refuse her anything. But before he took her hand, he reached for a chair and brought it close to her bed. "Not a problem," he said as he curled his fingers around hers and settled into the chair. And with a murmured "thanks" and another small smile, she was off to dreamland, while Castle sat by the bed, holding her hand and watching her.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

She woke up about 90 minutes later. Rick never let go of her hand during that time. He shifted around a bit to make himself more comfortable, but he stil kept hold of her hand. When she woke up, her eyes blinked open a few times as she reoriented herself with where she was. Then he could see when she remembered, because she jerked her head toward the side where Rick was, and her eyes found his. He felt her squeeze his hand just a little, and then, as if she realized that he was really indeed still there, a light little smile formed on her face before she said sleepily, "Rick...you're here."

"Yes, I am. I promised," he said, shrugging. And that's what it boiled down to...he said he would be there, and he was. And there she was, using his first name again.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." He saw her eyes flicker when he said that, and he wondered if it was as strange for her to not hear the standard 'always' response as it was for him not to give it.

He helped her sit up a little more in the bed, and he also helped her take a few sips of water. They spoke a little while they were doing that, but when it all was done, Rick sank back into the chair and just looked at Kate, not sure of what he should say. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Kate was the one who spoke instead.

"I broke up...with Josh."

Well, that came out of nowhere. And if he was frozen before when she asked him to stay with her while she slept, well then now...now he was frozen so cold that he was brittle like glass, like that chef that had been murdered with the liquid nitrogen. He didn't feel like he could breathe, let alone move. He just stared at her, and she stared back at him. Finally, he felt like he needed to say something.

"Oh. Uh...okay." Eloquent, Castle, really eloquent, he thought. "Uh, when?"

"Before the...funeral."

He looked down. She confirmed basically what Jim had said, what he'd managed to piece together. She'd broken up with him, but then, based on what he'd heard, she'd had a change of heart after her ordeal gotten back together with him. "Okay." Then because the silence in the room was somewhat overpowering, he added, "I guess life-changing experiences like bullets and hospital stays really make you rethink your choices sometimes, huh?"

Kate looked at him, clearly not following what he was saying. She knew Castle went off on tangents sometimes, but usually she could follow them. But at that moment, she was totally clueless. And even in her drugged, weakened state, she didn't much enjoy feeling clueless. "Castle, did you take some of my...pain meds? Because if you didn't, I'm not following you at _all_, and...I'm not in any condition to play word games with you. So what...are you talking about?"

"You...and Josh." He still hated saying the guy's name.

"Yeah. We broke up...like I told you. I...thought you should know." She felt a little sheepish and guilty finally admitting that to him, so many days later after his heartfelt confession to her.

"But then you...got back together," he said softly. As soon as he said it, he instantly regretted saying it. It was none of his business. "I'm sorry. It's really none of my concern, and-"

"Castle?" The softly spoken word interrupted him, and the brows knitted together in puzzlement.

"Yes?"

"Stop...babbling. It's tiring. Josh and I are...done. Okay?"

She made it sound so final. But why... "But you love him." The words just flowed from his mouth of their own volition, and he couldn't stop them. He hadn't meant to say that at all; it was in his thoughts, of course-it had been for the last few days-but as soon as he heard the words come out of his mouth, he reached up and clamped a hand over his mouth like a child who had just given away a big secret.

Kate's eyes widened at those words, which basically confirmed what her dad had been trying to tell her. She shook her head as she started to say, "Castle, I-"

She was interrupted by a knock at the door, and in bustled a nurse pushing a cart with a bunch of medical paraphanalia on it. "Hello, Ms. Beckett. Time to check your vitals and see how your wound dressings are." The nurse turned to Rick. "Sir, I'll have to ask you to step out for a bit. If you wait in the waiting room, we can come and get you when we're through."

Rick nodded, and his eyes met Kate's. She didn't look happy with the interruption. Part of him wasn't either, but part of him was ecstatic to not have to talk about Josh anymore. Taking a risk, he reached down and squeezed her hand, telling her, "We'll talk in a bit, if you're still up to it."

"You won't leave?" she confirmed, and he felt like kind of a heel because she even felt the need to ask. But he supposed he deserved that.

"No, I won't leave."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Twenty minutes later, he walked back into the room. She was laying there, looking tired again. She looked up when she saw him, and smiled, holding out her hand. "Thanks for coming back."

"I told you I would," he said, grabbing her hand and giving it a little squeeze.

"Yeah...well, just wanted to make sure." She looked a little unsure of what she wanted to say, but then she just blurted it out. "Why did you leave...before...and not come back until today?" she asked softly as he sat down in the chair again.

He looked down. He tried to formulate a non-response like he'd tried with Jim, even though it hadn't worked so well for him then. It was just that he'd spent the lion's share of the last few days hashing this out in his own mind, and it still killed part of him to think about talking about it again, out loud, with the one person who was inadvertently the cause of all of his angst. "I just realized that I was kind of...in the way, and that you had...other people that had more of a right to be with you."

"My dad was here, and you were here. And you two...are the only ones who I wanted around, regularly, anyway." She let that sink in for a moment, and because he didn't seem to have any change in expression, she went for the big guns; she brought up the topic they'd been talking about before the nurse came. "Castle...Josh...I don't love him. Not the way I...think you mean. I don't know why-"

And for the second time in less than an hour, Rick's vocal cords overtook his brain with amazing speed as he blurted out what he had never, ever intended to say aloud. "But I heard you say it!" And then when he realized that he had indeed said it aloud, he inhaled quickly and smacked his lips together, hoping against hope that she hadn't heard him, but realizing that was a futile hope as her eyes widened and her eyebrows shot up.

"What? You heard... God, Castle, how could you...hear that, when I never said it?" she asked him. "And when?" When he made no move to do anything except stare at her uncomfortably, she laid her head back on her pillow and closed her eyes. "Castle, I can't...use brute force on you, but...I know people. Tell me...now. When?"

"That day I left," he admitted uncomfortably. "He was visiting you, and I'd gone to get coffee..."

"You eavesdropped?" she asked with some amount of censure to her words.

"No! I was just coming back into your room, but I stopped in the doorway because I heard someone there with you. And then I realized it was...Josh, and then before I could leave again, I heard it."

"Heard _what_?" Even though she still sounded weak, she still sounded well enough to be exasperated with him.

"You said you loved him."

She might be drugged up, she might have been a lot weaker then, but she knew she didn't say that. Because she'd never said those words to Josh, and she didn't say them to any man lightly. "No, I didn't," she protested.

"Yes, you did," he countered automatically. Then he realized he was getting into a back-and-forth argument with a woman who had just been shot in the chest. "Damn...I'm sorry, Kate. We shouldn't be talking about this now. You need to rest."

"Shut up, Castle. What did you hear me say? Because I...never said that to him."

"Kate..." he pleaded, wanting her to drop the subject.

"No. Tell me."

He knew that even in her weakened state, she was still the same old stubborn Beckett underneath, and she wouldn't drop it until she got what she wanted. So he took a deep breath and said, "I got the impression that there was someone else in the room, and I opened the door just a little bit and I noticed Josh. And before I could leave, I heard you say 'I love you, Josh'. Okay? It's pretty straightforward. There's not much that could be misinterpreted about that. And I know I wasn't imagining it. You said it. Now, can we drop this? You need your rest and I shouldn't...this isn't good for you, okay? Maybe I should go."

She stared at him incredulously through his recounting of what he remembered, but when he got to the point about leaving, she reached out on reflex and grabbed his arm and said "No!" But her quick movement pulled at her wound and she gasped in pain, which had Rick jumping out of the chair and taking her gently by the shoulders. She clutched at his arm while she tried to control her breathing and let the pain subside back into the usual dull ache. Finally, she relaxed back into the pillows a bit, saying "That's a...little better now," but didn't relinquish her hold on his arm. He couldn't go anywhere, so he sat gently on the bed next to her.

"I'm sorry."

"Not...your fault. Just...moved wrong. Just...don't leave, 'kay?"

"Okay." He'd promise her anything if it would take away the pain, or not cause her any more.

She closed her eyes and just let her breathing return to normal as she thought back to that conversation with Josh. She remembered it somewhat; she remembered discussing Castle with Josh, him asking if they'd broken up because of the author. And she admitted that she had some feelings for him, and she told Josh that...oh, God. No. She knew. She remembered. Rick had heard what she said to Josh, but he didn't realize that it wasn't _about_ Josh... He'd gotten it totally out of context, which was actually kind of ironic, considering he was an author. Oh, what a mess!

"What?" Castle's single word made her open her eyes to find him looking at her with concern. "You were laying there, but then you started shaking your head. Are you having more pain?"

"No. Just remembering...realizing that you have really...bad timing." She smiled at him and shook her head again, almost in disbelief.

"I'm sorry I eavesdropped. I didn't mean to, really. And then I left right afterwards."

"Castle, the next time...you decide to listen to a private...conversation, listen to enough of it so you don't get it...all wrong, okay?"

Now it was his turn to look puzzled. "Huh?" he asked.

She took another couple of deep breaths. Damn, why did she have to get tired so easily? But she had to put this in the right way, because she knew that admitting these next words were important...these words would change their relationship. "I wasn't telling that to Josh. I was only repeating to Josh what I heard you say to me right after I was shot."

She was watching him, and she could see his eyes go black with intensity, and she could feel him stiffen as he realized what she meant. "Me?" he squeaked.

"You," she confirmed.

"Not to Josh?" he asked, needing more confirmation, especially after the last couple of days.

"No. Your words."

"You...you did hear me," he said softly, recovering some of his voice. "I didn't know."

She managed to raise her hand up to his shoulder for more contact, even though it was difficult. "Rick, you were the _only_ thing I could hear then. The only thing I could focus on. I couldn't talk, and I could..."she closed her eyes, remembering the bad memories. "I could feel the fire in my chest, like someone had stuck burning coals inside of me. But I looked at you, and I could hear you, and you gave me something good to focus on. Seeing you...hearing what you said, it made it all...a little better."

He hung his head and took a deep breath of his own. She'd heard. He was never sure. He figured if she did remember, they'd talk about it at some future time...or maybe not, knowing them. But he never imagined it would be now, like this. He looked back into her dark eyes. "Um...you're not...uh, mad. How...uh, are you okay with that?" he stammered. "With what I said?"

Her gaze didn't waver from his, but she didn't answer right away. But finally, she nodded slightly, saying, "Yeah. But..."

She could feel him go tense again at her 'but', so she plowed on. "I can't...get into anything...not yet. I have to...recover...and there's the case."

"That's a lot," he agreed.

"But..." she started again, "will you stay with me? I know it's not...fair to ask you, but..." she squeezed her eyes shut, and he could see her trying to control herself. When she opened them, they were tear-filled, but she looked straight at him. "I need you, Rick." He knew Kate, and he knew what that admission had cost her. He couldn't stand her emotion, and he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead and then hugged her gently to him. "Shhh...Shhh..."

She pulled back though, after a minute, and realizing that he never answered her question, asked simply, "Rick?"

He wanted to blindly promise her anything, but he knew that he couldn't do that. They both had to be able to give or nothing between them would work. "Kate, the last few days have been pure hell for me, thinking...well you know what I thought. And you know how I felt. But as much as I...as much as what I said is true, I can't just...Kate," he said, finally taking another breath, "I need you too. So much. But I need to know that you'll give us a shot, even if it's not right now. Because I can't..." he shook his head, "I don't think I can sit around anymore and watch you hook up with someone else down the road. Not after everything that's happened recently."

As she looked at him and heard the pain and uncertainty in his words, she felt more tears fill her eyes. "No, there's...nobody else. There won't be. When I'm ready to...try a relationship...with someone, it'll be...you. If you want that?"

When he heard her halting words, he felt like angels were probably singing hallelujahs on clouds somewhere above the hospital. They had to be, because she'd just said she'd give him-them-a chance. And that was everything.

"If I want that..." he had to pause, to swallow roughly over the emotion that was in his throat again. "Oh, yeah. I want that."

As if on cue, slight smiles appeared on both of their faces then, and by mutual unspoken agreement, he leaned forward and brought her against his chest in a gentle embrace, where they stayed until they were both too stiff to stay that way anymore.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

When Jim came back that evening, he wasn't really sure what he was expecting to find in his daughter's room. But whatever it was, he was pretty sure that he'd never expected to find what amounted to a slumber party of sorts.

He walked back into the room, and he stopped short when he saw the author sitting on Kate's bed with her. He had one of his arms around her, behind her back, and he was writing something on a notepad that he had propped on his bent leg. "Cassandra would _never_ be caught dead...wearing that to work," Kate told him, with a hint of good-natured annoyance in her voice.

"Of course she would. Because then handsome Dr. Garrett would finally notice her," Rick argued. He looked up then and saw Jim standing there. "Hi, Jim!" he said, greeting him with a big smile.

"Am I...interrupting something?" Jim asked.

"Not at all. Your daughter was bored so I suggested that she collaborate with me to write a soap opera. We're just going over characterizations and plot points now." He looked at Kate. "Tell your Dad what the name of it is."

"No way. I haven't agreed to that," she protested.

"Spoilsport." He addressed Jim again. "I think we should call it Beckle General. Get it? Beckett and Castle...Beckle? Because we're writing it together? I even gave her first billing, because the other way around turned out to be 'Caskett', and she said that sounded way too gruesome and it would go out of business because it had a really bad connotation. I did see her point though. So what do you think, Jim?"

Jim was amazed at the transformation of the two other people in the room since he'd seen them last. Rick was tortured, sullen, broken up, yet still devoted to Katie. Now that devotion was obviously still there, but whatever had happened before had obviously been fixed now. And his Katie? There was some of that light back in her eyes that hadn't been there since Rick left. And she was totally relaxed against the man. He didn't know what had happened, but whatever it was, it was good.

But Rick was still waiting for a response to his question, so Jim just said, "Sounds like it's quite a project. Might take some time to get all of those ideas and characters fleshed out."

"Well," Rick said with a wink toward Jim that Kate couldn't see, "then we'll have something to work on during Kate's recovery, as she heals and gets her strength back." And with that wink and explanation, Jim knew for sure that Rick would be sticking around. Probably for a very long time.

"I can get my...strength back...so I can shoot you if you try to...make Cassandra look like Nurse Slutty," Kate interjected, trying to sound annoyed over him taking over the character she had suggested.

Jim looked at the two of them and shook his head with some amount of wonder. If someone was tailor-made for his daughter, it was this man. Then he had an idea. "Hey, are you two okay for a little bit?" They looked up at him absently and nodded, and then Rick pointed at something on the paper and they were back in their own little world. So Jim walked back out the door, wondering if he'd be able to find a bakery open.

Because he wanted to buy a cake. He figured they all had something to celebrate.

-END-

* * *

><p><em><strong>That's it...I truly hope you enjoyed it. I'll apologize again for making you wait so long for the resolution.<strong>_

_**I know she didn't admit that she loved him, nor are they 'officially' together. But I thought this was more realistic, and it shows some hope. She still has to heal, and she has a lot of thinking to do. But it helps that she now knows what he feels, which is what they never got around to during their argument in Knockout, because he sidestepped the question. And I wanted to have him put her on the spot, just a bit, so everything isn't always on him. She needed to give him a glimmer of hope for 'them' especially after all they went through. And I think with this chapter, I elevated Jim to elite shipper status!**_

_**So I'd love to hear from you...if you liked the ending, or even if you hated it. Too long and drawn out? I thought about putting into two chapters, but I promised only one more, so I wanted to keep that promise. All comments will be GREATLY appreciated.**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_


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